View Full Version : Cheating
CrazyKell
11-06-2009, 11:43 AM
If you found out your SO was cheating would you continue the relationship?
karl_1052
11-06-2009, 11:47 AM
Hello no,
Out she goes!
the chi
11-06-2009, 11:48 AM
It depends on your version of work it out...does a 45 applied to various bodily parts count?
Rider
11-06-2009, 11:48 AM
No.
CrazyKell
11-06-2009, 11:52 AM
It depends on your version of work it out...does a 45 applied to various bodily parts count?
True.
For me it'd be a resounding HELL no. I don't care if it was one time or multiple times. Done. It's just too big a sin for me to ever consider carrying on a life with that person. :idk:
Speedracer42
11-06-2009, 11:55 AM
Im always shocked by the # of HELL NO responses. I continued to stay after my (then wife) cheated. The marriage eventually fell apart and that was for the better. Im not saying cheating is excusable. But I know for example, one woman who cheated after begging for YEARS her husband to give her more attention, have sex with her more, be a better presence in the house. Is it excused? No. But I get it. And so did he. If you truly LOVE someone there isn't alot that shouldn't be forgiven ONCE
Rider
11-06-2009, 11:56 AM
True.
For me it'd be a resounding HELL no. I don't care if it was one time or multiple times. Done. It's just too big a sin for me to ever consider carrying on a life with that person. :idk:
What is your definition of cheating? For many people it's different. Does it have to include actual sex acts or could it be just a date. Say, just having lunch with a co worker without telling your SO. How about maybe just a kiss?
Some people believe that even just thinking about anyone else is cheating.
CrazyKell
11-06-2009, 11:59 AM
Im always shocked by the # of HELL NO responses. I continued to stay after my (then wife) cheated. The marriage eventually fell apart and that was for the better. Im not saying cheating is excusable. But I know for example, one woman who cheated after begging for YEARS her husband to give her more attention, have sex with her more, be a better presence in the house. Is it excused? No. But I get it. And so did he. If you truly LOVE someone there isn't alot that shouldn't be forgiven ONCE
Did he really love her if he was like that to her? :?:
What is your definition of cheating? For many people it's different. Does it have to include actual sex acts or could it be just a date. Say, just having lunch with a co worker without telling your SO. How about maybe just a kiss?
Some people believe that even just thinking about anyone else is cheating.
Good question. I don't have a hard and fast definition and I'm very open about things. I don't get jealous of things like having lunch out. I guess it would be when they cross a line. If they were doing something with someone else that they wouldn't do in front of me (ie. holding hands, kissing, having sex, etc. etc.) then that's cheating. They've checked out of our relationship and really have no respect for me or the relationship anymore.
julie j
11-06-2009, 12:05 PM
I would be a widow. :lol:
karl_1052
11-06-2009, 12:06 PM
What is your definition of cheating? For many people it's different. Does it have to include actual sex acts or could it be just a date. Say, just having lunch with a co worker without telling your SO. How about maybe just a kiss?
Some people believe that even just thinking about anyone else is cheating.
Kissing would be cheating, unless it was cheek kisses, but H1N1 has killed those off.
But I know for example, one woman who cheated after begging for YEARS her husband to give her more attention, have sex with her more, be a better presence in the house. Is it excused? No. But I get it. And so did he. If you truly LOVE someone there isn't alot that shouldn't be forgiven ONCE
I can kind of understand this
Thankfully I've never been in this situation (that I know of) so I can't really say how I'd react.
ETA: I also have a hard time leaving someone I care about, so they'd have to really ufkc things up to get rid of me
talking and flirting I wouldn't consider cheating, going out for lunch (coworkers) and group activities and such, but if it gets into dating like activities and beyond is where I would draw the line.
I would break it off immediately and be done, one strike and you're out. Trust is important to me and cheating pretty much shows it isn't to the person, so fuck them.
skiergirl
11-06-2009, 12:38 PM
I couldn't do it! I had a cheating boyfriend once and he was out the door the same day. I would never be able to trust that person again no matter what they said or did. Just me though, many do decide to work it out and from what I've seen that rarely works for more than a short period of time.
The key is if you decide to work it out and 'forgive' the other then you better damn well forgive it. Don't bring it up when you get mad, or use it against the other. forgive, talk figure out what when wrong, fix it and let it go....you can't keep rubbing it in their face. seen too many couples do just that and they end up splitting later anyway.
BobTheBiker
11-06-2009, 12:53 PM
Been there with an ex, the answer is FUCK NO. the instant I find out you cheated on me with another person, you're gone like a turd goin down the crapper.
I have in the past but never will again!!
dReWpY
11-06-2009, 01:43 PM
nope, out the door
MissHell
11-06-2009, 02:15 PM
In general, I say no. However it really depends on the relationship and the details.
Is this boyfriend/girlfriend or a marriage?
Are there children involved?
How long was the relationship?
What is the nature of the cheating? (inter-course? on-line flirting?)
I have learned to never say never. :shrug:
Strahberrie
11-06-2009, 03:00 PM
I always said no, always always no; now I have an almost 4 month old little guy and am not sure what to do....
I would never be able to trust that person again no matter what they said or did.
Bingo.
Also the old saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is really really true.
skiergirl
11-06-2009, 03:57 PM
sometimes things just get so broke they can't ever be fixed the same again... and it sucks but it's better to realize, be hurt and move forward than wait for it to happen again.
wildchild
11-06-2009, 04:28 PM
I have in the past but never will again!!
yep. sucked it up for the kids etc. bad idea.
Tsunami
11-06-2009, 04:38 PM
In general, I say no. However it really depends on the relationship and the details.
Is this boyfriend/girlfriend or a marriage?
Are there children involved?
How long was the relationship?
What is the nature of the cheating? (inter-course? on-line flirting?)
I have learned to never say never. :shrug:
Plus one
Particle Man
11-06-2009, 04:43 PM
Now that I have a kid, I'd probably work it out until said child is out of school...
though I'd demand BJ's daily from the cheating SO as compensation. :)
the chi
11-06-2009, 04:55 PM
Never say never is a good philosophy, but like Trip said, once that trust is gone, its gone. Even if I stayed with a cheater, it would always be in my mind that it would happen again and thats not how I want to spend my life, always worrying.
Smittie61984
11-06-2009, 05:37 PM
The key is if you decide to work it out and 'forgive' the other then you better damn well forgive it. Don't bring it up when you get mad, or use it against the other. forgive, talk figure out what when wrong, fix it and let it go....you can't keep rubbing it in their face. seen too many couples do just that and they end up splitting later anyway.
Right on. Nor can the person cheated on use it as a "free" pass to fuck around.
I wouldn't know what to do. My girlfriend is the 1st really serious girlfriend I had or cared about. Other girls I didn't give a fuck who she was fucking as long as she was fucking me too. It was more of a "don't ask don't tell" thing going on.
I trust my gf 100%. If she did I would know too because she can't live with the guilt.
Now she is allowed to kiss or bang girls as long as she films it or I'm involved
We also have 2 people each we can fuck without it being cheating.
Mine are Megan Fox and Carmen Electra
She wants Mark Walhberg and the Stiffler guy.
Quick281
11-06-2009, 05:43 PM
talking and flirting I wouldn't consider cheating, going out for lunch (coworkers) and group activities and such, but if it gets into dating like activities and beyond is where I would draw the line.
I would break it off immediately and be done, one strike and you're out. Trust is important to me and cheating pretty much shows it isn't to the person, so fuck them.
Thats pretty much how I feel.
anthonyk
11-06-2009, 06:15 PM
Eh, my wife and I are in a "who cares" phase at the moment. I guess it's not really cheating then...
iDesmo
11-06-2009, 06:43 PM
If you found out your SO was cheating would you continue the relationship?
You'd have a situation which usually does not arise without precursors. If you're attentive months or weeks earlier there are signs, like coming home late, conversations that hold a person's name you're unfamiliar with or vague explanations of why they're late or didn't make that commitment date / dinner / outing and all that while giving no eye contact.
It takes a long time for a relationship or marriage to unwrap. It's not an over night occurrence usually. It takes a long time for the wounds to heal too. It's not shades of black or white.
On the other hand, try being on the phone speaking to your girlfriend while she's totally out of breath. And wonder.
Homeslice
11-06-2009, 06:50 PM
But I know for example, one woman who cheated after begging for YEARS her husband to give her more attention, have sex with her more, be a better presence in the house.
Then break the hell up!
If you aren't getting what you want, move on. It's that simple. Kids or finances be damned (you're kidding yourself if you think staying together is what's best for your kids).
People who cheat while using their SO as a safety blanket are the lamest kind of people. Too weak to communicate what they want, too weak to break up if they don't get what they want, and too immoral to feel bad about cheating.
CrazyKell
11-06-2009, 06:51 PM
Then break the hell up!
If you aren't getting what you want, move on. Kids or finances be damned. It's that simple.
People who cheat while using their SO as a safety blanket are the worst kind of people. Too weak to communicate what they want, or too weak to break up if they don't get it.
Plus one million.
Kaneman
11-06-2009, 09:04 PM
Cheating is always such an interesting subject. As a married man I can say the thought of only having sex with one woman for the rest of my life is a frightening thought and one that I don't feel is realistic for most people.
Luckily my beautiful wife likes other girls too. The couple that fucks other chics together stays together.
Then break the hell up!
If you aren't getting what you want, move on. It's that simple. Kids or finances be damned (you're kidding yourself if you think staying together is what's best for your kids).
People who cheat while using their SO as a safety blanket are the lamest kind of people. Too weak to communicate what they want, too weak to break up if they don't get what they want, and too immoral to feel bad about cheating.. So true!!
Mr Lefty
11-07-2009, 09:27 AM
Hell no... life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't wanna be with you... and there are a billion+ females out there... odds are another one is worth my time
lauralynne
11-07-2009, 10:47 AM
I hope I never know my answer to this.
Until you've walked in the shoes - neither do you.
it's fine to say "oh HELL no - he/she's GONE!" but the reality might be different.
My instinct is to say "hell no" but realistically? I have no idea what I would do. And I hope to never find out.
Mr Lefty
11-07-2009, 11:54 AM
I hope I never know my answer to this.
Until you've walked in the shoes - neither do you.
it's fine to say "oh HELL no - he/she's GONE!" but the reality might be different.
My instinct is to say "hell no" but realistically? I have no idea what I would do. And I hope to never find out.
I have... a couple times... and every time... for me... there wasn't even a thought of continuing... :idk:
it's weird... but I didn't even feel hurt that they was gone... I lost all respect for them... and in an instant they weren't worth my time... haven't looked back.
but yeah... I've been around enough friends that have had people cheat on them to know that it's not always that easy for them... :idk:
Dragonpaco
11-07-2009, 01:47 PM
i was in a situation where i had suspicions and dismissed them as paranoia and stayed with her. then on the big day of catching her in the act i left. set up an out of court custody schedule for my daughter and never talked to her again. shitty situation but staying around is only good for one party. and it's not you
Mr Lefty
11-07-2009, 04:42 PM
Get your shit outta my place.
Why do you think I'm single now.
Cause you cheated? :scratch:
JOKING... lets not bring that drama here
psychochild28
11-07-2009, 05:15 PM
:scratch:
Huh? Drama?
Tsunami
11-07-2009, 05:18 PM
i was in a situation where i had suspicions and dismissed them as paranoia and stayed with her. then on the big day of catching her in the act i left. set up an out of court custody schedule for my daughter and never talked to her again. shitty situation but staying around is only good for one party. and it's not you
Was it that crazy girl you used to post about in CF?
azoomm
11-07-2009, 05:35 PM
I've been there. Well, I suspected. It turns out I was correct - the worst part finding out NOW was that everyone else saw it. They didn't have proof, I didn't have proof, but I've now had a confession.
I suspected, and didn't want to know. I had so many other reasons to leave that I didn't need another. I now know confirmation THEN would have just made me angry and distrustful of everyone. With so many other relationships, I think the cheating is just a final straw - that there are other things also wrong and it's the final thing that no one will be able to get past. If you can't have a viable future... is it worth staying together? I don't think so.
Trust is a key part of our relationship. My husband is gone every other month for a month at a time. Without that trust - our relationship is really equal to nothing. I don't know that it would survive without trust.
askmrjesus
11-07-2009, 05:53 PM
Without that trust - our relationship is really equal to nothing. I don't know that it would survive without trust.
Or batteries...
:scared:
JC
Dragonpaco
11-07-2009, 06:34 PM
Was it that crazy girl you used to post about in CF?
hell yes it was.
Tsunami
11-07-2009, 07:22 PM
hell yes it was.
Wow she was the one that cheated? After all those stories of paranoia and jealously with you? Projecting huh?
Oh well glad you got rid of that nutjob.
dReWpY
11-07-2009, 08:06 PM
i lolz
neebelung
11-07-2009, 08:22 PM
it's fine to say "oh HELL no - he/she's GONE!" but the reality might be different.
My instinct is to say "hell no" but realistically? I have no idea what I would do. And I hope to never find out.
I agree 100%.
t-homo
11-07-2009, 09:59 PM
It depends on the relationship and how serious is it. Most of the time, who gives a shit, but if I were engaged or married, it may be a little different.
Amorok
11-08-2009, 12:28 AM
When I was younger I'd have said he'll no, but at this point in my life I just can't be that black and white. It would be hard to stay with Ulu if she cheated but I'm not willing to say it would be over right away, I have Poot to think about. I can say though that shed probably leave in a few months just because I'd make her miserable. Not so good at the forgiving. Bu depending on circumstances I might be willing to try and work it out.
Rangerscott
11-08-2009, 01:10 AM
There's no excuse for cheating. If you're unhappy, then end the relationship.
I hate the BS about, "Well I just had to see if..........."
There is no excuse.
Dragonpaco
11-08-2009, 04:03 AM
Wow she was the one that cheated? After all those stories of paranoia and jealously with you? Projecting huh?
Oh well glad you got rid of that nutjob.
yeah turned out that was to cover up what she was doing. i was blind to the whole thing.but i'm better off alone now then i was with her draingmy credit rating to pay for her habit and her hotels.
Fleck750
11-08-2009, 07:50 AM
There's no excuse for cheating. If you're unhappy, then end the relationship.
I hate the BS about, "Well I just had to see if..........."
There is no excuse.
That was the condition in my case.
Told him if he's that unhappy, then he needs to tell me, even if we can't fix what's wrong. Just don't go out and screw someone, then come home to me acting like nothings wrong. Man up, tell what's wrong, and if it's unfixable, somebody should leave.
And yes, the trust is gone.
JoshuaTree
11-08-2009, 09:30 AM
I've been cheated on. Finding out on a Valentine's Day truly sucked. Would I ever trust her in a relationship - NO, never again (and yes, she's asked several times to come back, through two other long-term relationships she's had). Do I pity her for her choices and the resulting soul-less, joy-less life she leads, perhaps. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin "... those that would trade essential love and happiness for temporary lifestyle and living status gains deserve neither..."
YMMV... :shrug:
the chi
11-08-2009, 02:17 PM
I've been cheated on. Finding out on a Valentine's Day truly sucked. Would I ever trust her in a relationship - NO, never again (and yes, she's asked several times to come back, through two other long-term relationships she's had). Do I pity her for her choices and the resulting soul-less, joy-less life she leads, perhaps. To paraphrase Benjamin Franklin "... those that would trade essential love and happiness for temporary lifestyle and living status gains deserve neither..."
YMMV... :shrug:
Thats a great quote, really puts it in perspective.
cbrchick
11-08-2009, 08:10 PM
Not saying any of y'all "no cheater for me" think this....
But it's interesting how so many people are against cheating and staying with someone that cheats/ed, but won't drop thier friends that cheat on their SO's.
Anyway... back to the discussion.
I'd say no to cheating SO - trust would be very hard to regain.
Mr Lefty
11-08-2009, 08:55 PM
Not saying any of y'all "no cheater for me" think this....
But it's interesting how so many people are against cheating and staying with someone that cheats/ed, but won't drop thier friends that cheat on their SO's.
Anyway... back to the discussion.
I'd say no to cheating SO - trust would be very hard to regain.
part of the issue... is that the trust between me and that person hasn't been broken.
now I've had only one friend cheat on his girlfriend... I stayed out of it... if she'd have asked me I'd have been honest with her... and I told him that... but our friendship wasn't broken...
same as I can be friends with someone who cheats... just can't be in a relationship.
CrazyKell
11-08-2009, 08:56 PM
But it's interesting how so many people are against cheating and staying with someone that cheats/ed, but won't drop thier friends that cheat on their SO's.
I always find that really interesting too. And in fact, I dropped a "friend" that did some really questionable stuff to his girlfriend. Not my idea of a person I want in my life.
Kaneman
11-08-2009, 09:02 PM
I'm not my friend's moral police. One of my best friends is a fairly crappy husband and has a fairly crappy wife, as far as I know they've both cheated. But he would kill someone if I asked him and he is always there when I need him. I've been friends with him for 15 years, we've been through all kinds of crazy shit together and he's never turned on me and always had my back. Friend's like that only come along 2-3 times in a lifetime and those aren't the kind of people you drop because they've done "questionable stuff" to their S.O.
I have no loyalty to his wife, only to him, and vice versa. I couldn't care less who he marries, dates or how much of a selfish asshole he is to them. I would never sell any of my friends out by ratting on them to their wives or anyone else. I would probably laugh in his wife's face if she tried to get some info out of me. I care about his relationship with me, not with anyone else.
CrazyKell
11-08-2009, 09:17 PM
The "friend" I'm talking to isn't like the one you're talking about. And I was dragged into the "questionable" stuff. I didn't want to be a part of it. Confronted him and told him the only way I could continue a relationship was if it wasn't all on the up and up. He chose to still be a slimebag. Not my idea of a friend.
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