just kinda sux

[CasterTroy]

I’m not sure how long it’s supposed to take, or if anyone REALLY ever knows. For those of you who’ve experienced it, this is a plea to help me understand whats “normal” in this situation.

Some of you know what happened back in september, but for those that don’t I lost my best friend on an aggressive ride in the mountains. He overcooked a corner coming off a wheelie and slammed a tree; breaking his neck instantly.

While this, in and of itself, was traumatic enough to give me nightmares on a regular basis….thats not really whats bothering me.

What IS bothering me is the fact that Brian was pretty much my ONLY riding buddy. The ONE person I could call up on any given day and tell him I could ride and he’d be there…..or meet me anywhere and was willing to go any length of ride.

We did Daytona once a year, either the spring or biketoberfest. We rode distance on the BMW’s. We rode aggressively on sportbikes and on motards. We were perfectly matched skill-wise and bitch-wise (meaning neither of us would whine at 600 miles, but at 650 we were BOTH ready to stop for the day)

I don’t like groups (too many clowns and ricky racer wannabes) but I joined a few local group boards in an effort to find local riders.

I found several….but they’re all either kids or tools that; for whatever reason, feel the need to overcompensate for everything and just be total doushebags. I don’t mean to be harsh or an elitist, but no one I’ve met seems to have common sense, or skills or the personality that comes close to being similar to mine.

Now granted…I’m an oddball and the fact that Brian and I were so close in personality and nature, it’s a wonder we crossed paths to begin with…but dang. Surely theres SOMEONE natured somewhat like me out there?!?!?

I did a few track days, and got some time out there railing on the track to help me with the desired SKILL part…but I miss my friend and it’s killing me.

I hate to sound like some whiney bitch , but damn this is rough.

Does it fade?

Am I trying to FORCE something?

WTH?

[shmike]

Troy,

I have nothing to offer in the way of advice but I will say this:

You DO NOT sound like a whiny bitch. You have every right to feel the way that you do.

I too am picky about my friends and my riding partners.

I hope you find what you are looking for but it may take time. Maybe a very long time.

Best wishes.

[Homeslice]

Probably should hang out at track days and after getting to know people, ask if they ride on the street as well. As far as maturity goes, it's much better odds than people you meet on a forum.

[Sean]

I'm kinda going through the same thing right now so I don't really know what to say. Pretty much all my riding buds either bitched out or took off and I've kinda been kicked off our local board, so I'm not sure what to do.

Don't feel bad about having a heart, man. It means you're a better person than many.

[the chi]

You arent whining. While not due to the same circumstances as yourself, I too find myself alone in a new place with no riding buddies. I tried the local forum. Like you found, too many crazies, or kids, or those who you cant relate to at all (try being a girl too :lol:).

My only advice is see who you can find at the track, or...get out on your own a little bit and you just might run into one of those crazy dudes like yourself tooling around the back roads...stranger things have happened.

[ericr]

Troy, I think the biggest part is you lost that "one" good friend you had that complimented you just right. I'm the same way, I've had very few "true friends" that met all the criteria like you listed there and they are few and far between. You'll find someone to hang with again but it'll probably take some time if you're as picky as I am about who I hang out with regularly.

I wish I could tell you something profound that would really help man, I really do. Hope you find your peace soon, but cherish the memories!

[Krabill]

Loosing a friend sucks. Loosing your best friend sucks on a whole other level.

It seems like you are in a hurry to find somebody to fill his shoes. Don't be. You may never find anybody who meshes with your personality the same way and that's okay.

While I hate group rides, I've been on a few and while the group rides themselves were a huge pita, I've walked away with a handful of really good riding buddies.

[Particle Man]

Not to sound harsh, but shut up about thinking you're whining. That's total BS dude and you're experienced enough as a rider to know that you should choose your riding partners carefully and that good riding partners don't come along every day. My advice (such as it is) is: Don't force it. Right now you're close enough to what happened to still be wanting the past. Your skills are always changing and at some point you'll discover someone else who rides at your pace and at your skill level.

I wish I could say that stuff like this fades over time - it doesn't fade but it changes...

[MILK]

Good friends are hard to find. Having one that was also a riding buddy is something a lot of people never find at all. I agree with others to take your time, you should find someone eventually. I would ride with you but I stopped riding myself.

[dReWpY]

i know what you mean, i have "lost" two of my best riding buddies, one moved to FL, the other just moved on, I found myself riding less because i didnt have as much fun by myself, then i got the buell, rode the piss out of it for a month then pretty much parked it for the winter.

want my suggestions, go ride and see if you bump elbows with anyone that has the same riding style, i know thats how i ran into ftbstrd

[CasterTroy]

It seems like you are in a hurry to find somebody to fill his shoes. Don't be. .


You know I was somewhat offended at first when I read that....but I'm afraid you may be right.

Brian validated my desire to ride, and to ride the way I LIKED to ride and let me know that; since there was another JUST LIKE me, that I wasn't so very odd (not a sports nut, or golf freak)

Damn....it's only been 3 months but it feels like it's been 5 years

Thanks for the comments everyone

[LeeNetworX]

It's a shame we don't live closer; based on some of our conversations, it seems we'd get along pretty well. Hope things get easier as time passes.

[fasternyou929]

Brian validated my desire to ride, and to ride the way I LIKED to ride and let me know that; since there was another JUST LIKE me, that I wasn't so very odd (not a sports nut, or golf freak)

Damn....it's only been 3 months but it feels like it's been 5 years

Thanks for the comments everyone
It takes time to find someone you gel with so well, especially during the "off-season" for riding. I've had to repeat the process a few times due to moving for my friends moving away and it always takes time to find another niche.

It will happen though, and as you start to ride with them you'll begin pushing one another's skill level and you'll have "that guy" to ride with again.

It's a shame we don't live closer; based on some of our conversations, it seems we'd get along pretty well. Hope things get easier as time passes.

I was thinking the exact same thing. This spring we should all head out for a ride. If I'm not working by the ~May timeframe, I was planning to take a month off and just ride aimlessly. Maybe I should stick around the NC/GA area for a few days of it. :)

[LeeNetworX]

I was thinking the exact same thing. This spring we should all head out for a ride. If I'm not working by the ~May timeframe, I was planning to take a month off and just ride aimlessly. Maybe I should stick around the NC/GA area for a few days of it. :)

:moto:

[CasterTroy]

I've got vacation and a cast iron ass!

[fasternyou929]

Perfect! I guess if I *am* working, I could just take a few days off and ride local too. So either way we should put it together. Would the weekend starting 5/8 have any known obstacles for you guys?

[LeeNetworX]

My calendar is clear for that week. If we come up with some concrete dates, I'll be sure to put in a request for time off after the first of the year.

[CasterTroy]

Thats a kid week (have the kids every OTHER week from monday to monday)

So 14,15,16 I'm kid free and 28,29,30

[Krabill]

You know I was somewhat offended at first when I read that....but I'm afraid you may be right.

Brian validated my desire to ride, and to ride the way I LIKED to ride and let me know that; since there was another JUST LIKE me, that I wasn't so very odd (not a sports nut, or golf freak)

Damn....it's only been 3 months but it feels like it's been 5 years

Thanks for the comments everyone

I certainly didn't mean to offend. Sometimes it just takes someone outside of the situation to put a mirror up in front of your face. I was jut making an observation on the way your first post came across.

I know the hurt will never get "better", but it will become easier to deal with in time.

[fasternyou929]

Thats a kid week (have the kids every OTHER week from monday to monday)

So 14,15,16 I'm kid free and 28,29,30

14-16 works for me. Lee? Maybe we could head out Tuesday that week to avoid some of the weekend traffic? The few times I've done these rides, Tue-Thu are by far the best riding with minimal traffic.

I'm with Lee, let's get some dates hammered out and I'll plan around them now, new job or not.

[CasterTroy]

I certainly didn't mean to offend.



Oh man no worries!!!! I know that for sure.

You just put the mirror there (which is what I needed)

[LeeNetworX]

14-16 works for me. Lee? Maybe we could head out Tuesday that week to avoid some of the weekend traffic? The few times I've done these rides, Tue-Thu are by far the best riding with minimal traffic.

I'm with Lee, let's get some dates hammered out and I'll plan around them now, new job or not.

14-16 works for me as well. Middle of the week sounds like a good idea, too.

[karl_1052]

It's a shame we don't live closer; based on some of our conversations, it seems we'd get along pretty well. Hope things get easier as time passes.

This.

Although, I think you would be much faster than me.

[MissHell]

I have nothing to add, that hasn't already been said.

It doesn't compare, but the group I rode with dis-banded over time and I really miss riding with them. I have tried other groups, but they are too young and reckless for me. Sometimes I get a little down about it, I miss the good ol' days.

Good riding partners are hard to come by.

[Kerry_129]

I know what you mean - good riding partners, like good friends are rare and to be treasured. But they do exist & might not be as hard to find as it may seen right now.
I consider myself very fortunate to have several great people in my life who are both. Up until the past few years I have taken that somewhat for granted, but it has slowly dawned on me that those people will likely be lifelong friends and are a huge part of what makes my life great (including Kathy of course, the best person & influence in my life).

I'm so sorry you lost Brian like that & though I can relate, I can still only imagine how it feels to deal with the memory of that day. Life goes on though, and there are more 'kindred spirits' out there to ride with & even more importantly be true friends who 'get it'. Kathy & I mentioned Doug in your thread discussing your negative feelings towards riding. A friend/riding buddy of ours died in his arms in August of '08, and he still deals with the after-effects. Much like you, he questioned continuing to ride, but couldn't give up something which is a part of our very being. He remains a very fast yet conservative & considerate rider, and more importantly he's an all around great person (his wife Angela also, who often rides with him). They live east of Charlotte & often ride in the Uwharrie Forest area (some surprisingly good twisties around there). It would be very convenient for you to meet up and ride together, and I feel very confident in telling you that Doug could restore your faith in being able to find good solid riding partners who are trustworthy, yet fun & challenging. Not squidly, not slow, not stupid - just right. Take me up on it & let me put you guys in touch for a ride some day - I dare ya. :)

And hang in there, man - I still think about my buddy Trent on a regular basis, but it's easier now to look at pictures & remember him with a smile instead of feeling tears well up.