View Full Version : I want to cut my ears off and gouge out part of my memory
Captain Morgan
12-19-2009, 12:46 PM
OMG, I think I'm going to puke. My phone apparently didn't send a call through (thank god) but let me know at 3am that I had a voice message. I have no idea when it was left, but I'm pretty sure I know who it was (which is why I want to cut my ears off and shove a knife into my brain). All I heard was sloshing of a waterbed and moaning. I deleted the VM INSTANTLY and threw down my phone. The only people I know that have a water bed are my parents. Their phone must have been in their bed and dialed me at some point last night. :lala::help::panic::jump::bw:
Fleck750
12-19-2009, 12:50 PM
hahahahahahaha
karl_1052
12-19-2009, 12:50 PM
HAHA!
You need to recover the VM, post it on youtube, and send them the link!
Tmall
12-19-2009, 01:37 PM
Is your mom hot?
t-homo
12-19-2009, 01:59 PM
that's hilarious.
Kaneman
12-19-2009, 02:50 PM
You heard them sexing!!
Avatard
12-19-2009, 03:55 PM
BWAAAAAAAHAHAHA. Ew. BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
Amorok
12-19-2009, 04:05 PM
Awesome. When I came back from basic my mom poked her head in my room to ask how it was being home. We chatted for a minute and then she asked if I listened to music while I slept. I told her sure, sometimes. She said I might want to turn it up a little loud and then left. After a fewminutes I realized why, then came the vomiting.
neebelung
12-19-2009, 06:01 PM
Wowwwwwwwwwwww..... :lol
VatorMan
12-19-2009, 06:16 PM
:rofl:
anthonyk
12-19-2009, 08:14 PM
Damn, y'all are en fuego today. :rofl:
And I've never wanted to use this smiley more... :lala:
Particle Man
12-19-2009, 08:28 PM
hahahahahahahahahahahaha :lmao:
HurricaneHeather
12-19-2009, 08:40 PM
:rofl:
While home for Christmas at my in laws house, me, my husband and his two sisters were sitting in the hallway upstairs talking late one night and apparently the three of them all heard moans from their mother coming from downstairs...
I, luckily, never heard it. They were all horrified and decided to move the conversation to someone's bedroom behind a closed door. :lol:
Gas Man
12-19-2009, 10:02 PM
:lol: :rofl: :lol
racedoll
12-20-2009, 08:03 AM
Too funny!
Rider
12-21-2009, 08:57 AM
I'm pretty sure that your parents have consummated the marriage more than just the one time you were conceived. No big deal. I'd laugh at their ass and tell them about it, but it wouldn't freak me out.
Gas Man
12-22-2009, 12:19 PM
I'm pretty sure that your parents have consummated the marriage more than just the one time you were conceived. No big deal. I'd laugh at their ass and tell them about it, but it wouldn't freak me out.
Says dad!!
OneNotSoSickPsycho
12-22-2009, 12:28 PM
HAHA That's terrible...Last New years, I lived with my mom for a few months and she had her boyfriend. I came home from a party and as soon as I walked in the door, I heard her moaning...(UUUGGGHHH). I didn't know what to do so I ran into the kitchen, turned on the sink, and started slamming cabinets....then I grabbed the peanut butter jar and threw it on the ground as yelled (at the top of my lungs) "I HATE WHEN I THROW PEANUT BUTTER ON THE GROUND!!!" And the moaning stopped. My mom and I still laugh about it till this day and it's like a little inside joke about the peanut butter...still gross though. Thank goodness I moved out.....
I feel for you...but it's still really hilarious....:lol
HurricaneHeather
12-22-2009, 12:30 PM
then I grabbed the peanut butter jar and threw it on the ground as yelled (at the top of my lungs) "I HATE WHEN I THROW PEANUT BUTTER ON THE GROUND!!!"
:lmao:
bullshit. Retalliate! Dial'em up next time you're slaying the old lady!
Smittie61984
12-23-2009, 08:36 PM
Think about the nasty that went on one wall over back when you were a kid. "Spank me harder, oh yes, big daddy yes"
Particle Man
12-23-2009, 09:02 PM
bullshit. Retalliate! Dial'em up next time you're slaying the old lady!
:lol: interesting phrase :lmao:
HokieDNA01
12-23-2009, 09:37 PM
Hopefully we will all be "hittin it" long into old age. Who gives a fuck what young whippersnappers think. My 85 year old grandma gave me some great advice last year. she said the true secret to keeping your husband/boyfriend happy is.......wait for it.......Kegels!!! I about died!!
Hopefully we will all be "hittin it" long into old age. Who gives a fuck what young whippersnappers think. My 85 year old grandma gave me some great advice last year. she said the true secret to keeping your husband/boyfriend happy is.......wait for it.......Kegels!!! I about died!!
girl on a forum i used to hang out on used to refer to that as cooter hugging :lmao:
z06boy
12-24-2009, 09:28 AM
Hopefully we will all be "hittin it" long into old age. Who gives a fuck what young whippersnappers think. My 85 year old grandma gave me some great advice last year. she said the true secret to keeping your husband/boyfriend happy is.......wait for it.......Kegels!!! I about died!!
:rofl: :rofl: I'm glad they came out with Viagra...don't need it yet but it's nice knowing it can be had. I plan on hitting it until my last breath. :lol:
Particle Man
12-24-2009, 09:29 AM
Hopefully we will all be "hittin it" long into old age. Who gives a fuck what young whippersnappers think. My 85 year old grandma gave me some great advice last year. she said the true secret to keeping your husband/boyfriend happy is.......wait for it.......Kegels!!! I about died!!
ok, I totally did not need that freakin' mental picture
:wtfru:
Kaneman
12-24-2009, 09:42 AM
At least your Dad didn't record a homemade porn over "Edward Scissorhands". And at least you weren't home from school one day wanting to watch a video. And at least you didn't put that video in the VCR and become intrigued by a close up of a chic masterbating.
And at least you didn't lose your lunch when the camera zoomed out and it was your step-mom.
marko138
12-24-2009, 09:45 AM
At least your Dad didn't record a homemade porn over "Edward Scissorhands". And at least you weren't home from school one day wanting to watch a video. And at least you didn't put that video in the VCR and become intrigued by a close up of a chic masterbating.
And at least you didn't lose your lunch when the camera zoomed out and it was your step-mom.
Sounds pretty F'd up.
z06boy
12-24-2009, 09:59 AM
At least your Dad didn't record a homemade porn over "Edward Scissorhands". And at least you weren't home from school one day wanting to watch a video. And at least you didn't put that video in the VCR and become intrigued by a close up of a chic masterbating.
And at least you didn't lose your lunch when the camera zoomed out and it was your step-mom.
Ok...some of your post are making more sense now...it's not your fault. :rofl: :rofl:
http://blogs.nyu.edu/socialwork/ip/4psychiatrist.jpg
Smittie61984
12-24-2009, 10:05 AM
Ok...some of your post are making more sense now...it's not your fault. :rofl: :rofl:
I'd rather get this guy's take on it...
http://www.bu.edu/mih/images/Freud.jpg
Besides, don't most porns start off with a step-mother?
z06boy
12-24-2009, 10:12 AM
I'd rather get this guy's take on it...
http://www.bu.edu/mih/images/Freud.jpg
Besides, don't most porns start off with a step-mother?
Some do but the step-moms in them usually look better than the real life step moms...unfortunately.
Smittie61984
12-24-2009, 10:25 AM
Some do but the step-moms in them usually look better than the real life step moms...unfortunately.
True. The mother daughter teams also seem to only have an age difference of 5-10 years. Funny how that works.
z06boy
12-24-2009, 10:27 AM
True. The mother daughter teams also seem to only have an age difference of 5-10 years. Funny how that works.
:lol: True !!
Amorok
12-24-2009, 11:01 AM
True. The mother daughter teams also seem to only have an age difference of 5-10 years. Awesome how that works.
Fixed
Particle Man
12-24-2009, 11:33 AM
Fixed
well done
At least your Dad didn't record a homemade porn over "Edward Scissorhands". And at least you weren't home from school one day wanting to watch a video. And at least you didn't put that video in the VCR and become intrigued by a close up of a chic masterbating.
And at least you didn't lose your lunch when the camera zoomed out and it was your step-mom.
was she hot?
Kaneman
12-24-2009, 12:18 PM
was she hot?
Uh.... No.
z06boy
12-24-2009, 12:30 PM
Uh.... No.
:lol: Mine either but I've never seen her in a video like that either...thank god !!
Uh.... No.
was she marginal this side of a keg? :Lmao:
Amber Lamps
12-24-2009, 01:25 PM
Never look at pictures hidden in your parents closet, especially those in old shoe boxes, if they owned a Polaroid camera before they died...
marko138
12-25-2009, 10:29 PM
was she marginal this side of a keg? :Lmao:
:rofl:
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