Jesus is now BANNED from the Carwash...

[askmrjesus]

The weather has been shit lately, so I decided to go down to the Coin-op, and wash the salt off my truck today.

They have a sign hanging in the bay, that says NO TRUCK BED WASHING in big red letters. I've seen that sign before, and I've always ignored it. It's not like I'm dumping plutonium. I just have a couple hand fulls of leaves back there, and that shit has to go.

So I start washing out the back of my truck like I always do, and some punk-ass, zit-faced kid appears out of nowhere and starts yelling at me.

"Hey! You can't do that!"

"Excuse me?"

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"It's a hand full of leaves, stop having kittens".

"I SAID, YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

(At this point, I'm getting just a little bit pissed.)

"Kid, I think it's about time you started thinking about getting out of my face."

"YEAH? OR WHAT ASSHOLE?"

Now, ordinarily, I'm a pretty even tempered guy, but this shit had gone on long enough, and did that little fucknugget just call me an asshole? Yes, I believe he did. So I thought about it for about a tenth of a second, and I said, "Or this".

Then I shot him in the face with the spray gun. (High Pressure, soapy setting)

He looked fairly stunned, but the kid obviously had some kind of learning disability, because after I stopped spraying him, he proceeded to begin to cuss me out again. He only made it to "YOU SON OF A" when I sprayed him again. I kept spraying him until he ran away yelling something about the cops, and I ran out of hose.

I considered leaving, what with the cops coming and all, but I still had seven minutes worth of quarters in the machine, and my truck was still soapy, so I stayed and finished up.

I was pulling my mats off the wall, when the cops rolled up.

The kid comes running back up yelling, "That's him! That's him!".

I would have shot him again, but I was out of quarters.

"Did you spray this boy?" asks the cop.

"Yes sir. Twice."

"Why did you do that?"

"He called me asshole sir, and if I remember right, those are fighting words. He's just lucky I'm too cheap to spring for the hot wax".

The cop laughed, and after a few minutes of the usual blah,blah, blah, he let me go. :lol:

JC

[CasterTroy]

:lol

priceless....as I was reading that I started to say "I hope you sprayed his ass...and then :lmao: BAM

In yo face biache....or wait...cunt


funny

[Dave]

win

[azoomm]

Dammit... no video.

[marko138]

Fucking awesome. As I was reading I hoped you were going there...and you did. Excellent!

[smileyman]

Just when i thought you couldnt sink lower, that maybe you had demostrated the worst possible character...you something like this...



And COMPLETELY redeem yourself!!!

[Particle Man]

out-freakin'-standing :lol:

[Rider]

Jesus - 1, cry baby - 0

[Particle Man]

see, if more of us lived closer to you, we could all go (one at a time) and do the same thing :lol:

[tommymac]

great job, thats even better than smiting him :lol:

[KSGregman]

Noses that wind up in other people's business have a way of winding up broken....way to demonstrate the principle of cause and effect, JC.

I love it. :lol:

[askmrjesus]

great job, thats even better than smiting him :lol:

I wanted to punch him in his pointy little head, but the spray gun was easier.

I just don't get people sometimes. WTF did he think was going to happen? Fucking idiot.

JC

[ericr]

:dthumb:

[Speedracer42]

That story is fucking AWESOME

[karl_1052]

Awesome

Post of the year so far.

[BobTheBiker]

that made my day.

[marko138]

I wanted to punch him in his pointy little head, but the spray gun was easier.

I just don't get people sometimes. WTF did he think was going to happen? Fucking idiot.

JC

Yeah, but punching probably woulda landed you in the slammer for a couple hours. The hose was much more effective, IMO.

[Bluestreak]

Excellent as always.

Thanks for making me laugh today, I needed that.

[njchopper87]

That laugh just shook a few hours off my day. :lol:

[LeeNetworX]

Awesome.

[VatorMan]

:lol: :rockwoot:

[HurricaneHeather]

That's fantastic.

(I have to subscribe to the thread so my husband can read this when I get home. :lol:)

[Rangerscott]

Technically you are a dick. Shit like that clogs up the drains. You have to hand clean them out and the holes are arms length or longer. My uncle owns one and I've seen him cleaning the drains. It's no fun. Leaves, sticks, glass, mud, oil, etc etc dont mix well. Also, nothing like sticking your hands down there and getting cut up.

[Papa_Complex]

I wanted to punch him in his pointy little head, but the spray gun was easier.

I just don't get people sometimes. WTF did he think was going to happen? Fucking idiot.

JC

From your description it sounded like he could use some instruction on how to wash his face anyway.

[askmrjesus]

Technically you are a dick. Shit like that clogs up the drains. You have to hand clean them out and the holes are arms length or longer. My uncle owns one and I've seen him cleaning the drains. It's no fun. Leaves, sticks, glass, mud, oil, etc etc dont mix well. Also, nothing like sticking your hands down there and getting cut up.

Technically, I don't give a fuck. I don't go to the place to wash 1/2 my truck.

JC

[Rangerscott]

Technically, I don't give a fuck. I don't go to the place to wash 1/2 my truck.

JC


Somebody needs to go back to school. Inside bed is 1/2 a truck. Hahaha

[azoomm]

Technically you are a dick. Shit like that clogs up the drains. You have to hand clean them out and the holes are arms length or longer. My uncle owns one and I've seen him cleaning the drains. It's no fun. Leaves, sticks, glass, mud, oil, etc etc dont mix well. Also, nothing like sticking your hands down there and getting cut up.

Buzz-Kill redflip

[anthonyk]

It gets outta my face or it gets the hose again! :lol

[Avatard]

Out. Fucking. Standing.

[askmrjesus]

Somebody needs to go back to school. Inside bed is 1/2 a truck. Hahaha

You're right. Hey, why don't I go outside and measure it, so I can supply you with the actual percentage?

I'll tell you why, because it's at the top of the list of shit that isn't going to happen, that's why.

JC

[Rangerscott]

You're right. Hey, why don't I go outside and measure it, so I can supply you with the actual percentage?

I'll tell you why, because it's at the top of the list of shit that isn't going to happen, that's why.

JC


Dammit. How am I suppose to continue dogging you if you don't give me the percentage? I need your percentage to calculate my percentage of hate juice.

[Dave]

Awesome.

dude i wasthinking about those squirrels today. Lol

[racedoll]

Technically you are a dick. Shit like that clogs up the drains. You have to hand clean them out and the holes are arms length or longer. My uncle owns one and I've seen him cleaning the drains. It's no fun. Leaves, sticks, glass, mud, oil, etc etc dont mix well. Also, nothing like sticking your hands down there and getting cut up.

So why don't make the drains more accommodating if they know people are going to do this regardless of signs.

[Rangerscott]

So why don't make the drains more accommodating if they know people are going to do this regardless of signs.

Hell, beats me. I'm sure they drain into the city sewer so I'm guessing it's a city code thing.

[Papa_Complex]

Hell, beats me. I'm sure they drain into the city sewer so I'm guessing it's a city code thing.

It's simply amazing the sort of problems that $10.00 worth of geocloth can solve.

[Rangerscott]

It's simply amazing the sort of problems that $10.00 worth of geocloth can solve.

All the crud sits down in the hole you drive over. Chemicals such as motor oil and such are probably the big reason why they trap the stuff. Also there are pumps that move the water under ground. Getting those clogged up is bad.♦

[101lifts2]

I'm calling bullshit.

This story sounds real familar.

It's funny nontheless.

[askmrjesus]

I'm calling bullshit.


Hi, this is bullshit. Sorry I can't take your call right now, but if you leave your name and number at the sound of the beep, I'll tell you to go fuck yourself as soon as I can. Thanks.

JC

[Particle Man]

:lmao: