View Full Version : Child support laws need a serious overhaul
Captain Morgan
03-08-2010, 05:39 PM
edit: I was posting because numbers were crazy in calculations, but it appears the website fucked up and didn't input some things into the calculation.
However, I still think it's complete BS that a father who BEGS to have his child more often is simply told no, then told he has to pay more because he doesn't see the child often enough. It's like you get punished, then you get punished again for getting punished in the first place.
Rangerscott
03-08-2010, 07:53 PM
Males get the BIG stick up the shaft when it comes to divorce and child support.
Here's to staying un-married and childless.
azoomm
03-08-2010, 07:58 PM
As someone that just went through another round in court, I would agree that Child Support in general needs to be updated. They are removed from the court in many aspects and runs as an independant agency. When there is an issue on either side - it is generally met with a shrug and a "oh well, that's just the system, check back in a few WEEKS." In this age of technology, that is NOT the right answer.
The courts are sickeningly biased to women. As long as both parents are fit, custody should be 50/50.
My uncles wife got a visit from cops over custody, to serve her papers, as she suddenly decided he couldn't see his kids anymore. And while he has his faults, he's a great dad.
It doesnt occur to her that kids arent pawns, and she doesnt own them.
Rangerscott
03-08-2010, 08:32 PM
The courts are sickeningly biased to women. As long as both parents are fit, custody should be 50/50.
My uncles wife got a visit from cops over custody, to serve her papers, as she suddenly decided he couldn't see his kids anymore. And while he has his faults, he's a great dad.
It doesnt occur to her that kids arent pawns, and she doesnt own them.
Hey hey. She needs them so she can claim them as dependents. Don't you know anything about working the system?
Captain Morgan
03-08-2010, 09:27 PM
The courts are sickeningly biased to women. As long as both parents are fit, custody should be 50/50.
My uncles wife got a visit from cops over custody, to serve her papers, as she suddenly decided he couldn't see his kids anymore. And while he has his faults, he's a great dad.
It doesnt occur to her that kids arent pawns, and she doesnt own them.
Going through that issue right now. My ex seems to think that she should have my daughter more than I do. Her reasoning...she has a bond with my daughter and it makes her feel bad if she doesn't have her a lot. I told her I'm not asking for more time than her, I'm just asking for 50/50. However, half is not fair to her. Fair would be if she has my daughter more than I have her. And fair would mean that I give up extra time so my ex has time to take my daughther to see her grandparents more often. It's fucking bullshit and nothing short of bullshit.
azoomm
03-08-2010, 09:44 PM
Going through that issue right now. My ex seems to think that she should have my daughter more than I do. Her reasoning...she has a bond with my daughter and it makes her feel bad if she doesn't have her a lot. I told her I'm not asking for more time than her, I'm just asking for 50/50. However, half is not fair to her. Fair would be if she has my daughter more than I have her. And fair would mean that I give up extra time so my ex has time to take my daughther to see her grandparents more often. It's fucking bullshit and nothing short of bullshit.
Ask the court for a Guardian ad litem. This would entail taking your daughter to a child therapist that would then testify to the court how the CHILD should be represented.
Usually they ask to see the child on a few occassions - once brought by each parent, then separately if other children are involved in the home(s).
My ex and I have shared custody. I don't like him [if I did we would probably still be married]. But, he is important my daughters. I wouldn't rob THEM of that.
Papa_Complex
03-08-2010, 10:12 PM
Ask the court for a Guardian ad litem. This would entail taking your daughter to a child therapist that would then testify to the court how the CHILD should be represented.
Usually they ask to see the child on a few occassions - once brought by each parent, then separately if other children are involved in the home(s).
My ex and I have shared custody. I don't like him [if I did we would probably still be married]. But, he is important my daughters. I wouldn't rob THEM of that.
That's excellent advice. Parents tend to forget what the child wants in these situations. Giving the child representation helps to keep both sides honest.
Captain Morgan
03-08-2010, 10:19 PM
Thanks for the advice. Hopefully itn never has to come to that. I would hate to have my daughter be put in the middle at all. I'm just asking for half time with her. Yes, I want more than that, but I understand how important it is for her to have both parents in her life equally. Her mom does not seem to get that. Another one of her stupid ass arguments was that she spent more time with her mom, so my daughter should be able to spend more time with her. What the fuck kind of logic is that? She still has not given me a logical explanation why 50/50 is not fair.
azoomm
03-08-2010, 10:26 PM
I'm telling you this so you can start that request now. This is how I kept my children out of a courtroom and away from lawyers and judges. No child should ever be put in front of parents and told to choose. This gives them a voice.
It also puts her in a position to prove why 50/50 won't work.
http://www.fathering.org/
TommyHotWheel
03-08-2010, 10:42 PM
edit: I was posting because numbers were crazy in calculations, but it appears the website fucked up and didn't input some things into the calculation.
However, I still think it's complete BS that a father who BEGS to have his child more often is simply told no, then told he has to pay more because he doesn't see the child often enough. It's like you get punished, then you get punished again for getting punished in the first place.
Dont get me started, Michigan is the worst.
Gas Man
03-09-2010, 12:13 AM
I can attest to this... my good friend has major problems with michigan child courts... OMG.
101lifts2
03-09-2010, 12:56 AM
Didn't you listen when ur parents, friends, brothers and sisters told you DON'T GET MARRIED AND DON'T HAVE KIDS? I'm guessing not.
You have to live with your ignorance. lol
If you are going to get married, marry a chick that doesn't have legal citizenship here and barely speaks English. Or a chick that doesn't work....
Or a chick that doesn't work....
Ya, so you can pay a shit ton of alimony on top of child support.
Papa_Complex
03-09-2010, 06:32 AM
Ya, so you can pay a shit ton of alimony on top of child support.
Like my friend with the Mexican wife, who after a few years decided that she wanted a Mexican boyfriend.
Amber Lamps
03-10-2010, 09:41 AM
Males get the BIG stick up the shaft when it comes to divorce and child support.
Here's to staying un-married and childless.
Here, here... I sometimes wonder why men do it at all anymore? What's the incentive? :idk: Everything seems so hard when it comes to relationships and family these days. BTW fwiw, I don't see why women do it either. ..
azoomm
03-10-2010, 09:45 AM
Here, here... I sometimes wonder why men do it at all anymore? What's the incentive? :idk: Everything seems so hard when it comes to relationships and family these days. BTW fwiw, I don't see why women do it either. ..
Yeah... the I wonder why anyone does it anymore.... better sentiment.
No one wins in any of these scenarios. The biggest problem, the KIDS lose.
Amber Lamps
03-10-2010, 09:56 AM
Yeah... the I wonder why anyone does it anymore.... better sentiment.
No one wins in any of these scenarios. The biggest problem, the KIDS lose.
It's terrible! My ex girlfriend tried to get child support out of me for her daughter and the court in Mi actually heard the case!!! Of course, she never tried to get money from the dead beat father of the child. I had to prove that I had not supported the kid for more than half it's life and that the actual father was in the picture.:panic:
azoomm
03-10-2010, 11:40 AM
You guys realize myself, and women like me, detest the vile women that do this bullshit too.. right? It makes my job harder because the court almost makes it difficult for me to do right by the kids. Fuck everyone else in the scenario - do right by the kids.
sherri_chickie
03-10-2010, 11:48 AM
You guys realize myself, and women like me, detest the vile women that do this bullshit too.. right? It makes my job harder because the court almost makes it difficult for me to do right by the kids. Fuck everyone else in the scenario - do right by the kids.
This
Rider
03-10-2010, 11:48 AM
I don't know why they make it so difficult. There should be a standard amount it costs to raise a child. If one parent has full custody then then the other parent pays 50% of the standard amount. If custody is split 50/50, then no child support should have to be paid by either half. It isn't rocket science but I guess if it was that easy there would be a lot of attorneys out of business.
sherri_chickie
03-10-2010, 11:53 AM
I think that sometimes one parent or the other only wants the child 50% of the time so that they don't have to pay child support. I personally think that both parents, unless there is a safety concern, should have equal time with the kids, and if the parent with primary custody is unwilling to let the other parent see the kid, then they shouldn't have rights to any more $ either. The person getting hurt the most is the child in these situations. Even talking the other parent down wears on a child and causes real issues. Hate your x if you want, but keep it away from the kid.
If custody is split 50/50, then no child support should have to be paid by either half.
In my state even if you share custody 50/50 the parent with the lower income can apply for child support from the other parent. :td:
azoomm
03-10-2010, 12:30 PM
I'm curious, what do y'all determine 50/50? And, who takes care of school enrollments, extra-curricular fees, clothing, school meal accounts, etc? Don't tell me the parents would communicate and split those evenly - that doesn't happen when married :lol:
I'm curious, what do y'all determine 50/50? And, who takes care of school enrollments, extra-curricular fees, clothing, school meal accounts, etc? Don't tell me the parents would communicate and split those evenly - that doesn't happen when married :lol:
Seriously! How the hell do you split a 12 yr old 50/50? I can see when they are babies and not in school etc.
MI courts blow. My Mom still owes my Dad around $25,000 from when I was a little. :bs:
TommyHotWheel
03-10-2010, 12:45 PM
I have joint legal, which means all decisions regarding the child's health, welfare or education must be approved by both parents. Thats a joke, I have been fighting for six years to get my kids in school and not home-schooled, and my son a specialized Autistic program. The courts wont hold her in contempt, say they dont have funds to enforce anything and now they are telling me that I complain too much. I saw my kids for a week last year for the first time since 2007. Idont want my kids 50/50, I want my kids full time, so they get the schooling they need and the love they deserve. My kids have no friends, no social interaction with other kids and are so far behind on education I cant explain. In michigan, unless you can prove the mother unfit, she automatically gets the children and the support is beyond what a person needs to raise a child. I pay almost $600 for my kids to a working woman, married to a concrete contractor who owns his own buisness and pays her under the table. The kids spend days and all weekends with her parents and I pay for that because they claim to be daycare providers .My kids are 13 and 9. The system is full of men like me, who get pushed aside and told to take what we get and smile. I have been fighting for six years to be heard, I wrote senators, congressmen and even sent letters to D.C. with no response worth writing. Sorry about the long rant, it kinda feels good to share this stuff. Oh, the worst of all...my kids dont call me Dad anymore.
In my state even if you share custody 50/50 the parent with the lower income can apply for child support from the other parent. :td:
That is :bs: :td:
wow Tommy, that is just awful :(
I know the only reason my Dad was awarded custody of all of us was because my Mom flat out did not show up to any of the hearings. They didn't care what he had to say. Back in the 80's giving a father full custody was unheard of.
My brother is fighting for custody of his son right now because his whore of an ex gf is an abusive drunk. Never to his son (yet) but she would go out, party all night, come home shit faced and beat the shit out of him and break stuff around the house until she passed out. :screwy: And no matter what the police reports say or how much $$ he throws at his lawyer he is never really HEARD in court. :td:
I'm curious, what do y'all determine 50/50? And, who takes care of school enrollments, extra-curricular fees, clothing, school meal accounts, etc? Don't tell me the parents would communicate and split those evenly - that doesn't happen when married :lol:
Zoomm in my case I pay for everything while I have him. I don't ask my ex for any $$ to contribute during my time with him. So far he is doing the same. I am however keeping a list and receipts of everything I spend $$ on in case he comes to me asking me for money though.. ;)
I will not ask him for anything.
My ex was adament about clothing not being mixed so when my son gets to my house he takes off 'his dad's' clothes and I put them aside. I am dilligent about keeping up with things, be it power cords to toys or whatever. I just wish he would the same. He is the one that made the big deal about it yet I constantly have to remind him to return things. :td: So rude.
Papa_Complex
03-10-2010, 01:52 PM
Seriously! How the hell do you split a 12 yr old 50/50? I can see when they are babies and not in school etc.
MI courts blow. My Mom still owes my Dad around $25,000 from when I was a little. :bs:
Hell, when my father booked he tried to stick my mother with a $40K personal loan that he forged my mother's signature on. He was the manager of the bank branch that the loan was domiciled in and he was screwing one of the loan officers. It gets pretty scary when you're 15 years old and are already down to one pair of pants, then learn that what's left of the family is down what, at that time, was damned near the cost of a house with nothing to show for it.
I'll be on Oprah next week :lol:
I don't know why they make it so difficult. There should be a standard amount it costs to raise a child. If one parent has full custody then then the other parent pays 50% of the standard amount. If custody is split 50/50, then no child support should have to be paid by either half. It isn't rocket science but I guess if it was that easy there would be a lot of attorneys out of business.
That would be all well and good if everyone made $X per year and raising a kid cost $0.2X, but that way lies communism ;)
CrazyKell
03-10-2010, 03:03 PM
I don't know why they make it so difficult. There should be a standard amount it costs to raise a child. If one parent has full custody then then the other parent pays 50% of the standard amount. If custody is split 50/50, then no child support should have to be paid by either half. It isn't rocket science but I guess if it was that easy there would be a lot of attorneys out of business.
What out there has a standard cost? :scratch:
Broccoli here costs 99 cents but over there it might cost 1.29....so how in the heck would you ever figure out a standard cost? And then, how would you ever figure out what would be included in that standard cost?
HurricaneHeather
03-10-2010, 03:24 PM
Man, this thread is good birth control.
Man, this thread is good birth control.
Truth.
Man, this thread is good birth control.
it ought to be relationship control. Dave rule #1 strongly in effect.
HurricaneHeather
03-10-2010, 04:38 PM
it ought to be relationship control. Dave rule #1 strongly in effect.
Yeah, but I don't have kids. I do however, already have a husband. He can keep the TV, but I want the matress. :lol:
Much easier than all this stuff they are talking about.
TommyHotWheel
03-10-2010, 04:40 PM
Ha ha ha! I just got a letter from the courts, the ex is taking me back to court to re-open our divorce and try to get more money! I have 4 contempt charges for her...this is gonna be interesting.
Yeah, but I don't have kids. I do however, already have a husband. He can keep the TV, but I want the matress. :lol:
Much easier than all this stuff they are talking about.
understandable, my home loan is cosigned with my dad for similar reasons :lol:
Ha ha ha! I just got a letter from the courts, the ex is taking me back to court to re-open our divorce and try to get more money! I have 4 contempt charges for her...this is gonna be interesting.
Ok how do you RE-OPEN a divorce????
That is scary in too many ways! Want more money? Sue for divorce after you're already divorced!!!
101lifts2
03-10-2010, 07:44 PM
Ya, so you can pay a shit ton of alimony on top of child support.
I should retort and say a chick with no skillz or education. If she can't do anything, I doubt she is going to be content on alimony.
101lifts2
03-10-2010, 07:47 PM
It's terrible! My ex girlfriend tried to get child support out of me for her daughter and the court in Mi actually heard the case!!! Of course, she never tried to get money from the dead beat father of the child. I had to prove that I had not supported the kid for more than half it's life and that the actual father was in the picture.:panic:
Dude that broad is fucking low...
Captain Morgan
03-10-2010, 10:12 PM
One big problem I have with the system is the way they consider the "cost" of the child. They say it costs X to raise the child in a home and the parents split the cost based on their income percentages. I can understand this, but my problem is that X isn't standard. If there is daycare involved, then the cost of daycare adds to the cost to raise the child (X + daycare). Here's where I get screwed. Example:
We each make a certain amount of money, I contribute 56.5% and she contributes 43.5%. Now, if there is no daycare involved, I would have to pay her mother $53 per week.
However, with daycare at $90 per week, which I pay directly to daycare, I also have to pay her mother $14 per week on top of the $90 I'm paying to daycare. So, instead of me paying $53 per week, I now have to pay $104 total per week, JUST because there is a daycare cost that I am already paying. And here's the kicker. Because I don't get to claim my daughter on taxes, I don't get to claim the cost of daycare. However, if her mother were to pay the daycare, and I paid the $104 to her mom, then her mom would get to deduct the daycare on her taxes, even though I'm basically paying the daycare with her as an escrow for the daycare money. Crock of shit, huh?
Oh, and her mom bitches that she isn't getting very much child support because it's "only" $14 per week. Does she think she'd get to keep more than the $14 per week? The other $90 would still go to daycare and she'd be left with the $14. But, she can't seem to figure that out. However, I refused to pay her the $90 directly because she can't seem to manage money worth a shit and would always be behind on daycare payments to the point they might kick my daughter out. Not to mention the fact that if her mom were to find a cheaper daycare (or someone to watch my daughter for free), I'd be stuck paying her the $104 per week until it could get back to court the following year. This is another problem with the system.
On another note, we both agreed (verbally) to have life insurance of $100k, in case something happened, so the other would get money to take care of the little one. Luckily, I was smart enough that I took out the policy on her and had her take out the policy on me. Why, because I knew she wouldn't be able to manage her money enough to pay the small monthly payment. I was not going to risk her mom not paying the premiums on herself and me not getting any money to support my daughter. Shock and surprise, I was right. She let her life insurance policy on me lapse 2 years ago because she couldn't afford the $15 per month (but she can afford cable). Luckily, my daughter still won't do without if something happens to me because I have other policies that will pay to my mom, with strict instructions it's to be used for my daughter.
I'm doing my best to raise my daughter right. I would love to have her full time, but there is no way I could be married to her mom. So, I'll settle for half, if I can get that much time. Her mom bitched tonight that she misses the little one if she doesn't have her, so she should be allowed to have her more. Does she think I don't miss my daughter??
Dude, no offense, cuz I agree some of the laws are fucked up, but are you really complaining that you have to pay 110$/week for child support??? Sounds like you got off REALLY easy. Most guys I know from work have almost 250$/week deducted from their checks, for one child!!!!
Captain Morgan
03-10-2010, 11:43 PM
Dude, no offense, cuz I agree some of the laws are fucked up, but are you really complaining that you have to pay 110$/week for child support??? Sounds like you got off REALLY easy. Most guys I know from work have almost 250$/week deducted from their checks, per child!!!!
I'm lucky in the fact that I get to see my daughter more than most dads get to see their kids. If I saw my daughter the "standard" amount, I'd be paying $160 per week. My argument is not with the amount I have to pay, it's with the way the amount is calculated. And that goes for anyone. Why should any person have to pay X+daycare if they're already paying daycare (which is greater than X)? Add to that the fact that there are good dads out there who want to spend time with their children, but get told they're only allowed a small amount of time, then told they have to pay more because they have their kids less time. The system is fucked up, plain and simple.
I'm lucky in the fact that I get to see my daughter more than most dads get to see their kids. If I saw my daughter the "standard" amount, I'd be paying $160 per week. My argument is not with the amount I have to pay, it's with the way the amount is calculated. And that goes for anyone. Why should any person have to pay X+daycare if they're already paying daycare (which is greater than X)? Add to that the fact that there are good dads out there who want to spend time with their children, but get told they're only allowed a small amount of time, then told they have to pay more because they have their kids less time. The system is fucked up, plain and simple.
Understood. I thought you were complaining about the amount itself.
And yes, it is fucked up. If neither parent is unfit, it should be 50/50. And nothing pisses me off more then seeing women collect child support and spend it on everything BUT the child!!!!
Once heard a guy at work talking to his ex, she was pissed because he wouldnt give her his CS early, because she needed the money to go out drinking with her friends that weekend, while he had the kid. Bitches like that should be shot.
zlicius
03-11-2010, 12:11 AM
This is why I'm never divorcing Ed, or at least not divorcing him until the kids are grown. I plan to make him miserable for at the minimum of the next 18 years. *evilgrin*
Seriously tho, divorce is horrible, and the only one that it hurts is the kids.
I'm very blessed, even though I do not have residential custody, we have a joint arrangement. I see my son every time I can get back to KS and every summer I have him. His dad is a good dad. He's growing up in a small town w/ a good school.
Do I want him to be with me? Oh yes, not a doubt. Has it always been the best for him? Nope, where we lived previously the schools were crap. Now that we've moved, I can say yes, it'd be a good place for him.
In our divorce, my son gets to choose after age 12. He knows this but I will not be going up to him at age 12 and 1 day saying CHOOSE. I wont' be saying anything. If he wants to live here, and it's not because he's pissed at his dad for not buying him something, or for getting into trouble for something (he's never pulled that crap yet, but i'm not going to hold my breath, i remember my teenage years!) then we'll sit down and talk about it like adults. No fighting, no drama. Adults.
All these poor kids caught in the middle. :(
Archren
03-11-2010, 01:02 AM
Oh, the worst of all...my kids dont call me Dad anymore.
My ex re-married within 6 months of our divorce in 2008. Fast forward to now... I come home on leave after being deployed for 6 months, and my kids call me by my first name rather than mommy, but they call the step-mom mommy in a heartbeat. They're 2 and 4 and too young to know how to tell the difference, and it pisses me off to no end that the ex and his wife have messed with their heads like that.
azoomm
03-11-2010, 08:28 AM
My daughters came to me upset because their father wanted them to call his woman mom. I asked them if she would EVER be able to take my place. They laughed. They don't call her mom, but only because she doesn't fit the title, not because I care.
Rider
03-11-2010, 08:34 AM
I looked into getting a divorce. It would have cost me $2K a moth for child support plus I would have to pay 100% of her bills for 3 years. I can honestly see why husbands kill their wives instead if getting divorced. I'll just live with the situation for another 8 years.
HurricaneHeather
03-11-2010, 10:11 AM
My ex re-married within 6 months of our divorce in 2008. Fast forward to now... I come home on leave after being deployed for 6 months, and my kids call me by my first name rather than mommy, but they call the step-mom mommy in a heartbeat. They're 2 and 4 and too young to know how to tell the difference, and it pisses me off to no end that the ex and his wife have messed with their heads like that.
God, I hate that guy. :mad:
CrazyKell
03-11-2010, 10:18 AM
I'm with Heather on 2 counts. For one, I hate that guy. And for two, this thread is not only good birth control but I'll probably never get married either! :lmao:
azoomm
03-11-2010, 10:32 AM
One big problem I have with the system is the way they consider the "cost" of the child. They say it costs X to raise the child in a home and the parents split the cost based on their income percentages. I can understand this, but my problem is that X isn't standard. If there is daycare involved, then the cost of daycare adds to the cost to raise the child (X + daycare). ....
It isn't just daycare. There are other expenses that can't be measured - which is why child support is usually more than $14.
My ex didn't have the girls living with him during or after the divorce. His reason, "it wasn't convenient." So, I had them. That meant I had to have at least a two bedroom apartment. And, it can't be a shitty place either - not only to "think of the children" in a safety sense, but they need a good enough school district/school to attend. That also means I have to commit to my decision for a while so they aren't uprooted every 6-months.
I also can't just get a cheap motorcycle to save on transportation costs. I need a car so I can cart them places and get them food.
These are basics - I opt for a simple, not cheap [ie scary] apartment but not expensive. I opt for a car that works well and won't be a money pit, but isn't expensive.
Then, I'm told that the STATE MINIMUM child support based on his income and the STATE guidelines won't fit into his budget. Yeah, because it fits into mine. [rolling eyes] I'm then bitched at because I'm spending the money on getting my hair done :lol: Right. It isn't possible to come up with a standard amount that a child is "worth." It isn't possible to come up with receipts for a standard of living.
What really gets me.... he sued me last year for full custody because he wanted ME to pay HIM child support. He sees the $$ my husband makes and wants a piece of it. Too bad for him, even if he would have won it would have been based on my income. How else do you fight that battle if not with a pricetag on it? The ONLY way to hold some people accountable is with a monetary expense.
Amber Lamps
03-11-2010, 10:39 AM
This is why I'm glad to be fixed. It just seems that the child becomes some kind of bargaining chip or weapon. I've seem it so many times in my life and it makes me sick. Most people don't seem to even care about the child but have the "I'm getting it so you can't" sort of attitude. I've literally seen people fight over getting the kid just to drop it off at a babysitter. .. I've seen women call a Guy angry because he hasn't picked up his kids one week only to deny him access the next. I've seen guys taken to court for cs even though the woman knows that he is struggling even though she makes 3 of 4 times as much money as he does. Oh and OMG don't let the Guy get a new woman in his life... People, a child is not an expense, a bargaining chip, nor a weapon. BOTH parents should be spending every waking moment trying to figure out how to make the child's life better, not scoring points. Just an opinion of course. .. I've been the child and I've been the surrogate father but never an actual parent, so maybe I don't fully understand.:idk:
sherri_chickie
03-11-2010, 10:44 AM
I think everyone here agrees that the laws are screwed and the system doesn't really work the way it is supposed to. Anyone have suggestions for the way it should work? I have never been in the situation so I am ill equipped to be making suggestions.
azoomm
03-11-2010, 11:41 AM
Sherri, I'm working with a few committees now. It sucks... and would love more suggestions to fix it. Don't say case by case assessment, no one has the time, energy or funds for that.
In our separation papers there is a clause that states if one parent is going to be apart from the child more than 5 hours - as in needs a sitter - they have to ask the other parent first. There is also a clause that states that when my ex is traveling for work (when he has a job he typically travels ) that my son stays with me.
After everything is over, signed and done this came up. He says I 'tricked' him by putting in the clause about being out of town for work. I told him that HE SIGNED IT and should have read it.
Then I asked him WHO ELSE SHOULD MY SON BE STAYING WITH WHEN YOU'RE GONE THAN HIS OWN MOTHER???!!!
He wasn't thinking about my son, he was thinking about the extra nights I would get - which changes the child support equation.. Unbelievable.
He traveled recently and I agreed to SWAP weekends so he could still see his child. I did not have to agree to that - and I would have gotten an EXTRA weekend. What do I find out later? That my son spent the night with my ex's white trash cousins Saturday night. Sigh.
azoomm
03-11-2010, 11:43 AM
How about this one, my daughters are teenagers, they now go to dad's to BE the babysitters to their new little brother so momma and their dad can either go out or put in more hours at work....
How about this one, my daughters are teenagers, they now go to dad's to BE the babysitters to their new little brother so momma and their dad can either go out or put in more hours at work....
:td: People SUCK.
Papa_Complex
03-11-2010, 11:49 AM
How about this one, my daughters are teenagers, they now go to dad's to BE the babysitters to their new little brother so momma and their dad can either go out or put in more hours at work....
Sounds like a reason for a modification of custody ;)
azoomm
03-11-2010, 11:55 AM
That was last year. Welcome to family court where nothing is enforceable. Besides, the girls like it better because the dates are his chosen dates... he doesn't get more because he chose not to spend the time with them. And, they don't have to deal with the adults for that night. They are, sadly, learning the value their father has put on them.
TommyHotWheel
03-11-2010, 12:43 PM
My ex re-married within 6 months of our divorce in 2008. Fast forward to now... I come home on leave after being deployed for 6 months, and my kids call me by my first name rather than mommy, but they call the step-mom mommy in a heartbeat. They're 2 and 4 and too young to know how to tell the difference, and it pisses me off to no end that the ex and his wife have messed with their heads like that.
Mine moved in with the guy she cheated on 2 weeks after she told me to leave and about 2 weeks after our finalization...on my birthday...they got re-married. She had the kids call him daddy as soon as I left the house. I dont see why 50/50 should not work...equal responsibility. You both wanted or made the decision to have/keep the kids, you both pay. Figure out what is NEEDED...to raise the kid/kids and split the cost and the time down the middle. If one wants to relinquish custody or visitation, that persons share gets paid to the custodial parent. You didnt divorce the kids, so dont punish them or use them to punish each other.
Papa_Complex
03-11-2010, 01:17 PM
That was last year. Welcome to family court where nothing is enforceable. Besides, the girls like it better because the dates are his chosen dates... he doesn't get more because he chose not to spend the time with them. And, they don't have to deal with the adults for that night. They are, sadly, learning the value their father has put on them.
There's a special place in Hell for guys like your ex. It's called "Second Wife."
Captain Morgan
03-11-2010, 08:38 PM
OMG, I'm so fucking pissed off again! My ex still refuses 50/50, yet she also will not answer why. Her only answer is that she's the mommy so she should have my daughter more time than I have her. Then she fucking says I need to stop saying "my daughter" because she's "our daughter," then goes right back to saying she should get more time. If it's "our" daughter, then why the fuck does she think she's entitled to more time??? I'm simply asking for equal responsibility. Why? Because I love my daughter and know how important a father is in a child's life. Then my ex asks me what advantage I get by having my daughter half time! Is it because child support is reduced? Are you fucking kidding me???????? She knows I'm a good dad and she's said it herself. What advantage???? I get quality time to raise my daughter right and my daughter gets to realize her dad WANTS her in his life and truly cares for her!!!!!! Damn, I'm so fucking pissed off right now. Not to mention the fact the bitch refuses to answer two simple questions. Why should I not be allowed EQUAL time and what is wrong with the schedule I've proposed? She cannot answer those two simple questions, regardless of how many times I ask them.
Papa_Complex
03-12-2010, 06:49 AM
She can't answer, because there is no answer. What bullshit.
azoomm
03-12-2010, 09:14 AM
There's a special place in Hell for guys like your ex. It's called "Second Wife."
Right now, he has a baby momma that he's engaged to - and his mother came to visit in December [still hasn't gone home]. Welcome to that special hell.
I'm sorry, did you hear me laughing?
She can't answer, because there is no answer. What bullshit.
Agreed. Unless there is something really wrong with one parent that endangers the child, children need to see both parents.
There are things wrong with my ex even but I still know my son needs to see his father - even if he only learns how not to be from watching his dad. That is something I have no control over. The fact is we all only have 1 mom and 1 dad and no one can change that. So even messed up parents are still our parents.
Children, IMO should have a fundamental RIGHT to be with each parent that neither parent can take away.
Amber Lamps
03-12-2010, 09:14 AM
She can't answer, because there is no answer. What bullshit.
Truth!
Cappy, you already know that she's a bad person . This is not a surprise. You will not allow her to upset you like this for the next 14 years +. Screw her! As long as she's just running her mouth and hasn't actually done anything, let her talk. Don't argue, don't get mad, ignore her stupidity. She wants to hurt you, punish you, don't give her the satisfaction. You were awarded 50/50 custody, right? Who cares what she thinks?:idk:
Truth!
Cappy, you already know that she's a bad person . This is not a surprise. You will not allow her to upset you like this for the next 14 years +. Screw her! As long as she's just running her mouth and hasn't actually done anything, let her talk. Don't argue, don't get mad, ignore her stupidity. She wants to hurt you, punish you, don't give her the satisfaction. You were awarded 50/50 custody, right? Who cares what she thinks?:idk:
AMEN!!! I am just learning this as my separation is still really new. Let them GO, as long as you have your rights and get your time ignore the petty comments.
Recently my ex asked me for something and after I said NO he said, "You remember that the next time you need something." It is OK to say NO. It is OK to live your life and be happy. Don't let them get to you by meaningless commments, laugh and move on. I know that's easier said than done but for me anyway it is getting easier to detach from his bullshit.
When it comes to your rights with your kids, I wouldn't bother discussing it. Go to court if you must or have your lawyer send a letter. Discussing things with an unreasonable person is a waste of time.
azoomm
03-12-2010, 09:24 AM
When it comes to your rights with your kids, I wouldn't bother discussing it. Go to court if you must or have your lawyer send a letter. Discussing things with an unreasonable person is a waste of time.
This.
And, remember the best revenge is living well. Don't try to get "even" by doing the same thing back to them. The kids figure it out.
:( This topic sucks.
Amber Lamps
03-12-2010, 11:01 AM
This.
And, remember the best revenge is living well. Don't try to get "even" by doing the same thing back to them. The kids figure it out.
:( This topic sucks.
Exactly right.
Rider
03-12-2010, 11:03 AM
Or you just stay married until the kids are out of the house and then kick that bitch to the moon.
Amber Lamps
03-12-2010, 11:08 AM
AMEN!!! I am just learning this as my separation is still really new. Let them GO, as long as you have your rights and get your time ignore the petty comments.
Recently my ex asked me for something and after I said NO he said, "You remember that the next time you need something." It is OK to say NO. It is OK to live your life and be happy. Don't let them get to you by meaningless commments, laugh and move on. I know that's easier said than done but for me anyway it is getting easier to detach from his bullshit.
When it comes to your rights with your kids, I wouldn't bother discussing it. Go to court if you must or have your lawyer send a letter. Discussing things with an unreasonable person is a waste of time.
Right again! Why bother? Get with your new gf, enjoy your life, enjoy your daughter, leave your ex in her world of anger and hate...don't join her. Be the better person rise above, be you don't lower yourself to her level. You're better than that, bro. ..way better.
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