askmrjesus
04-16-2010, 11:24 AM
I've just recently returned from the Blueridge Bike Fest, in Roanoke Virginia.
I didn't want to go. It's a Harleyish nightmare of puke, but I was on business, so there I was, in the very heart of Shitsville, USA.
Here are the totals:
Category Number 1: T-Shirts
Wolves: 870
Eagles: 2330
Flames: 6424
Skulls: 2084
Rebel Flags: 4283
Flaming Wolf Skulls: 9
Category Number 2: Fat Stinky Whores
With tattoos: 1452
Without tattoos: 12
With tattoos, but without a noticeable dental plan:1066
With tattoos, without a noticeable dental plan, and wearing a patch on her vest that said "Property of Snake" : 1
You really have to give it up for Snake. So few men are willing to commit on that level.
Category Number 3: Number of bikes I would actually want to ride
Fatbobs: 0
FLXTRDLTRRXXST's: 0
Road Kings with fringe of the floor boards: 0
All other Road Kings: Still 0
Category Number 4: Drunk skinny meth-head chicks in fish net halter tops, who tried to entice me with a 16oz. can of Bud Light at 10:30 Sunday morning: 1
Category Number 5: Fat people
Hard to get a total on this one, let's just go with: Most I've ever seen outside of a Wal-Mart.
Category Number 6: Number of times during the weekend, I wished I were trapped in a coal mine: 84
Category Number 7: Number of people who looked they just got rescued from a coal mine: 6523
And there you have it. The Blueridge Bike Fest (teeth optional).
JC
I didn't want to go. It's a Harleyish nightmare of puke, but I was on business, so there I was, in the very heart of Shitsville, USA.
Here are the totals:
Category Number 1: T-Shirts
Wolves: 870
Eagles: 2330
Flames: 6424
Skulls: 2084
Rebel Flags: 4283
Flaming Wolf Skulls: 9
Category Number 2: Fat Stinky Whores
With tattoos: 1452
Without tattoos: 12
With tattoos, but without a noticeable dental plan:1066
With tattoos, without a noticeable dental plan, and wearing a patch on her vest that said "Property of Snake" : 1
You really have to give it up for Snake. So few men are willing to commit on that level.
Category Number 3: Number of bikes I would actually want to ride
Fatbobs: 0
FLXTRDLTRRXXST's: 0
Road Kings with fringe of the floor boards: 0
All other Road Kings: Still 0
Category Number 4: Drunk skinny meth-head chicks in fish net halter tops, who tried to entice me with a 16oz. can of Bud Light at 10:30 Sunday morning: 1
Category Number 5: Fat people
Hard to get a total on this one, let's just go with: Most I've ever seen outside of a Wal-Mart.
Category Number 6: Number of times during the weekend, I wished I were trapped in a coal mine: 84
Category Number 7: Number of people who looked they just got rescued from a coal mine: 6523
And there you have it. The Blueridge Bike Fest (teeth optional).
JC