Critical Thinking Fail

[askmrjesus]

I was in a bad fucking mood today, even more so than usual, and that's saying something.

So, in an effort to make myself feel better, I stopped off at the Supermarket for a giant Kit-Kat bar, but I can't park. There's a fucking traffic jam in the two lanes directly in front of the store. It makes no sense. There are plenty of spaces, I just can't get to them. Fuck this. I drive to the side of the building and park there instead. I had to walk a few extra yards, but I don't have all goddamn day to buy a fucking candy bar.

As I'm walking in, I discover the reason everything is fucked up. Some asshat has parked in the lane in front of the store, at the end of where the spaces begin. In other words, in the middle of the road, effectively blocking half of the traffic flow. Motherfucker. Nobody in the car, no "too fat to waddle my ass that far" handicapped tag, no one bleeding in the front seat, no excuse whatsoever.

Cockbite. Now I'm even more pissed than I was ten minutes ago.

So I go in and buy my Kit-Kat, come out- fucking car is still there.

Then I see the bumper sticker; "Critical Thinking, the other national deficit."

Son of a bitch. Now I have to "meet' this person, or my day will not be complete. I wait. I eat my Kit-Kat, and here she comes...

She's about 45, fat, dressed like a liberal arts student with a degree is uselessness. She pushing a cart with seven tons of shit in it, which means her car has been there at least 45 minutes. She rolls her shit up to the car, opens the door, and is now blocking the entire fucking driving lane, instead of just half of it.

We converse...

"Excuse me, are you completely retarded?"

"What?"

"Retarded, you know, brain damaged at birth, stupid, dim, not as bright as sand."

"I don't know what..."

"Does that look like a parking spot? Do you see any paint on the ground that would indicate this as a reasonable place to park?"

"I was in a hurry."

"OH! A HURRY! Well that explains it. What, the Mensa meeting can't start until you get there with the doughnuts? You know, for someone who thinks their "thinking" is better than everyone elses', you're an inconsiderate moron, and the world would be better off if you rolled your fat ass off a cliff."

Then I left before the police came.

Like I said, bad mood today. :lol:

JC

[G-Rex]

I approve of this message.

[Particle Man]

I approve of this message.

I'll second that.

[smileyman]

I owe you a six pack sir! whats your pleasure?

[Particle Man]

I owe you a six pack sir! whats your pleasure?

Kit-Kats.

Pay attention.

[Avatard]

Dude, if you really did that, you're my hero. I thought only I did fucking shit like that.

[askmrjesus]

Dude, if you really did that, you're my hero. I thought only I did fucking shit like that.

You know, if it would have been a TAP-OUT! sticker, or some of the other mindless shit I see around here, I probably would have shook my head in disgust and carried on, but something about this one set me off.

Too smart to park like normal people? Fuck you, no you're not.

JC

[dubbs]

That's fucking awesome man..

[Dave]

excellent

[the chi]

Absolutely wonderful. You get a gold star for that one for sure.

[Papa_Complex]

Thank God they had that Kit-Kat in stock, or the staff would have been picking fat body parts out of the eaves.

[OneSickPsycho]

I stopped believing this story at the point where you waited outside for her to come back to her car... however, entertaining anyway.

[askmrjesus]

I stopped believing this story at the point where you waited outside for her to come back to her car...

That's understandable, you've never met me.

Thank God they had that Kit-Kat in stock, or the staff would have been picking fat body parts out of the eaves.

This guy has. :lol:

You have no idea of the lengths that I'll go to, to fuck with somebody when the mood strikes me. And that's the problem with society at large. Everybody wants to say something, but very few people will. They're too polite, or afraid of causing a fuss.

It doesn't make me a hero, and it will probably get me shot someday, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I cause fusses.

JC

[ontwo]

Great story

[azoomm]

That's understandable, you've never met me.

This guy has. :lol:

You have no idea of the lengths that I'll go to, to fuck with somebody when the mood strikes me. And that's the problem with society at large. Everybody wants to say something, but very few people will. They're too polite, or afraid of causing a fuss.

It doesn't make me a hero, and it will probably get me shot someday, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I cause fusses.

JC

I think it's why we get along. It isn't about being rude - it's about speaking up and thumping someone in the forehead because THEY are being rude.

Society has created these assholes that steamroll through their world. They have everyone convinced it's wrong to approach them in this PC blah blah blah.

I'm right there with you JC. :dthumb:

[z06boy]

If true (hey it's the internet :idk:)...LOVE IT !!!! :cheers:

[Papa_Complex]

What JC calls "fusses", lesser people call "riots" :lol:

[Trip]

Jawesome amj, wish I could have seen it.

[Kaneman]

Fuck you dude, don't treat people like that without getting it on camera. Its 2011 man, every electronic device made has a video camera in it now. Get on it hoss.

[julie j]

Fuck you dude, don't treat people like that without getting it on camera. Its 2011 man, every electronic device made has a video camera in it now. Get on it hoss.

I agree. I would have sent you a case of Kit-Kats to see that. :bowdown:

[derf]

Should have blocked her car so she couldn't leave

[Tmall]

Should have blocked her car so she couldn't leave

Huge fan of this. I had a guy turn left across my lane while I was turning right to get one of the ten or so spots we were both going for. Then he scurried off into the store before I could even glare at him. So, being a kind, patient individual, I put two carts on either side of his car and three in back and went about my business. Probably took him a couple minutes to clear em all. Hope it was worth saving 5 seconds off of his shopping visit.

[Kaneman]

Should have blocked her car so she couldn't leave

I've got an old busted up Kia Spectra that is perfect for shit like that. Go ahead, kick it....see if I give a fuck. :lol:

[Particle Man]

I've got an old busted up Kia Spectra that is perfect for shit like that. Go ahead, kick it....see if I give a fuck. :lol:

when I drove an old busted POS I used to do stuff like that as sport :lol:

go ahead, destroy it. I'd be out like 10 bucks for a roll of duct tape and some bondo :lol:

[Gas Man]

I think it's why we get along. It isn't about being rude - it's about speaking up and thumping someone in the forehead because THEY are being rude.

Society has created these assholes that steamroll through their world. They have everyone convinced it's wrong to approach them in this PC blah blah blah.

I'm right there with you JC. :dthumb:

this

Fuck you dude, don't treat people like that without getting it on camera. Its 2011 man, every electronic device made has a video camera in it now. Get on it hoss.

i AGREE

Should have blocked her car so she couldn't leave

tHAT IS AWESOME AS SAID IF YOU DON'T GIVE A f ABOUT YOUR CAR

[CasterTroy]

You have no idea of the lengths that I'll go to, to fuck with somebody when the mood strikes me.

:lol: I do

And MOST of you guys do if you read the Akilldema Gym Thread (http://www.twowheelfix.com/showthread.php?p=437064#post437064)



It doesn't make me a hero

You became the hero to MANY that day :rockwoot:

[Captain Morgan]

Thing is, this bitch was probably too stupid to even realize you were talking about her bumper sticker.

[the chi]

Like the cars with the "Think twice Save a life" sticker that just tried to run your ass over...:lol:

[CasterTroy]

Like the cars with the "Think twice Save a life" sticker that just tried to run your ass over...:lol:


Or the personalized plate with a Bible verse guy who just cut you off and shot YOU the finger :lol:

[Papa_Complex]

Like the cars with the "Think twice Save a life" sticker that just tried to run your ass over...:lol:

Reminds me of an Alanis Morissette "Ironic" moment. The day after I signed my first motorcycle insurance policy, I was almost run over by my broker while I was in a crosswalk.

[jtemple]

That made me think of the owning I dished out at the airport a while back. I think it was in Denver....

We're in the HUGE line at the airport McDonald's, about 6-7 people back from the counter.

The lady at the counter starts placing this giant order, 50 cheeseburgers, etc etc. It is very clear that she's ordering up for some large group of traveling kids she's escorting.

Of course, it's an airport, so most people are in a hurry. I figure, it's McDonald's, it isn't going to take that long to dish out 50 pre-made cheeseburgers. It'll slow us up a minute or two, no big deal.

Then, this busybody lady 3-4 people behind me, leans over the zig-zagging amusement park-style barrier and right in my ear, shouts, "EXCUSE ME! ALL I WANT IS A SALAD AND SOME WATER.", as if her feeble attempt to eat healthy at a McDonald's made her special, somehow. As if she's in a bigger hurry than the other 20 people in line.

I look her right in the eye and say, "...and you can wait your turn for it, just like everyone else."

She didn't say a word, and waited her turn, just like everyone else.

[lauralynne]

AMJ, you've got my vote. Now throw your damn name in the ring.

And the next Kit Kat's on me (sorry you were having a bad day!)

[101lifts2]

b.s.

[Kaneman]

b.s.

Predictable response.

[askmrjesus]

b.s.

On Sunday afternoons, you pin dead insects onto a blue velvet matador painting from Jarez.

You've arranged them into the shape of a 1959 Edsel, because it reminds you of your mothers face.

Quiet time.

Dim lights...

JC

[Avatard]

Hu, hu, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

[tallywacker]

http://www.aww-kittah-aww.com/up/public/194979/Falling_down_still.jpg

[Papa_Complex]

On Sunday afternoons, you pin dead insects onto a blue velvet matador painting from Jarez.

You've arranged them into the shape of a 1959 Edsel, because it reminds you of your mothers face.

Quiet time.

Dim lights...

JC

Channelling iDesmo, are we? :lol:

[CasterTroy]

Channelling iDesmo, are we? :lol:



:lol


Watch it AMJ or you'll attract a leghumper with the grip of 1000 lonely housewives!

[Papa_Complex]

:lol


Watch it AMJ or you'll attract a leghumper with the grip of 1000 lonely housewives!

If only I could do what iD did. Closest I ever came, to that kind of effect on women, was when I had my hair covering my face and acted like a complete Jim Morrison asshole to them :lol: