Gas Man
02-02-2011, 08:40 PM
I love these things... please share yours.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because
nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, He's already following you.
>
>Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
>
>If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a
>warning
>
>Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell
>him yet
>
>Chuck Norris was born on February 30th
>
>Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land
>
>Chuck Norris had a pet monkey. We know him as King Kong
>
>When Chuck Norris was asked if he believed that the world was going to end in
>2012 he resonded: "Depends how I'm feeling that day."
>
>Chuck Norris stared at the sun... the sun went blind.
>
>Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
>
>Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd - No one fools
>with Chuck Norris
>
>The movie "Aliens vs Predators" was orginally supposed to be Aliens and
>Predators vs Chuck Norris but that movie only lasted 8 seconds.
>
>Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
>
>When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There
>can only be one Chuck Norris.
>
>Chuck Norris can speak Russian... in Chinese.
>
>Chuck Norris runs until the Treadmill gets tired
>
>Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
>
>When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck
>Norris.
>
>Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.
>
>Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies............... As The Force.
>
>Chuck Norris dosen't breath, he holds air hostage.
>
>The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming
>
>Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
>
>Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes
>
>Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
>
>Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish
>enough to attack him.
>
>There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to
>live
>
>Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and
>agony ..................the rattle snake died
>
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
>
>The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
>
>The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It
>failed misserably
>
>Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of
>the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
>
>
>A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
>people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris
>and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
>
>
>Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they
>attack.
>
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
>
>The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been
>there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
>
>The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck
>Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
>
>
>If you see Chuck Norris fighting a bear, don't help Chuck Norris, help the bear.
>
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups; he pushes the Earth down.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because
nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, He's already following you.
>
>Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
>
>If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a
>warning
>
>Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell
>him yet
>
>Chuck Norris was born on February 30th
>
>Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land
>
>Chuck Norris had a pet monkey. We know him as King Kong
>
>When Chuck Norris was asked if he believed that the world was going to end in
>2012 he resonded: "Depends how I'm feeling that day."
>
>Chuck Norris stared at the sun... the sun went blind.
>
>Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
>
>Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd - No one fools
>with Chuck Norris
>
>The movie "Aliens vs Predators" was orginally supposed to be Aliens and
>Predators vs Chuck Norris but that movie only lasted 8 seconds.
>
>Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
>
>When Chuck Norris looks at himself at a mirror, there is no reflection. There
>can only be one Chuck Norris.
>
>Chuck Norris can speak Russian... in Chinese.
>
>Chuck Norris runs until the Treadmill gets tired
>
>Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
>
>When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck
>Norris.
>
>Some kids pee their name in snow. Chuck Norris pees his name in concrete.
>
>Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies............... As The Force.
>
>Chuck Norris dosen't breath, he holds air hostage.
>
>The Terminator said, "I'll be back" because he saw Chuck Norris was coming
>
>Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird
>
>Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes
>
>Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
>
>Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish
>enough to attack him.
>
>There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to
>live
>
>Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and
>agony ..................the rattle snake died
>
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
>
>The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
>
>The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It
>failed misserably
>
>Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of
>the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
>
>
>A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped
>people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris
>and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
>
>
>Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they
>attack.
>
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
>
>The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been
>there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
>
>The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck
>Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
>
>
>If you see Chuck Norris fighting a bear, don't help Chuck Norris, help the bear.
>
>
>Chuck Norris doesn't do pushups; he pushes the Earth down.