Hi, my name's Bob, I here about the geese for sale.

[askmrjesus]

This is shaping up to be a shitty day.

Ordinarily, at 6am on Saturday, I'd still be in bed. Maybe get up around 8, have some coffee, and watch F1 qualifying on the tube.

Bob, however, had other plans.

Why the fuck is he here so early?

Let's rewind, and back up a bit. My wife, for reasons unknown to me, decided we needed some geese. So, when I was out of town, she bought 10. Why 10? I don't know that either, maybe they come in ten packs.

The "plan" was to sell some of the geese, and keep a few. That plan went out the window, when Bob showed up this morning.

A little after 6, the dogs went crazy. Barking and howling like mad. Something had them all wound up, so my wife let them out, thinking there may be a coon or a possum in the goose/chicken yard. Yeah, I know, chickens too, FML.

Turns out, it wasn't a coon or a possum. It was Bob.

Did I mention that Bob is a cat? As in Bobcat. As in a seriously pissed off, hissing at me, possibly rabid, recently wounded by our Great Pyrenees, goose eating Bobcat.

Fuck me. It's way too early for this shit. Wife is screaming, dog is screaming, goose is screaming, Bobcat is screaming. In short, there's a whole lot of fucking screaming going on, and I haven't had coffee yet.

Step one: Grab shotgun.

Step two: Pull the dogs off the Bobcat. Believe it or not, this procedure is not covered in the goose raising handbook, (clearly an oversight on the part of the author).

Step three: Do not shoot the Bobcat. Why you ask? Because, the Bobcat is "cute", and now in need of help. The dog did a number on him.

Step four: Attempt to load a live, wounded Bobcat, into a dog crate.

Step five: Fuck that shit.

Step six: Call county animal control. "Can you describe the Bobcat?", "Um, sure. Big teeth, furry, pissed off."

Step seven: Hang up, these people are idiots.

Sadly, a few minutes later, Bob succumbed to what I believe were internal injuries.

RIP Goose.

RIP Bob.

JC

[azoomm]

Well, good morning to you too...

[Tmall]

Great story. Too bad about the cat. They're beautiful animals.

[tommymac]

wasnt a good morning for bob or the geese though LOL

[askmrjesus]

Great story. Too bad about the cat. They're beautiful animals.

I know. I'm a lot more bummed about the Bobcat, than I am about the goose. :td:

Actually, I should say geese. We lost three in the last two weeks. Bob was a hungry boy.

JC

A pic of the winner of this mornings battle: (She's OK, a few scratches)

[VatorMan]

That dog still looks pissed. :lol

[tommymac]

hows his eye looks like he got him good there

[askmrjesus]

hows his eye looks like he got him good there

She's OK, we cleaned her up, and sprayed some Hydrogen Peroxide on the scratches.

She's up to date on rabies shots, so all is well.

JC

[Gas Man]

WOW... that was a great story. Sorry you were choosen to live it but it was funny to the rest of us. :lol:

[OneSickPsycho]

Bob would look great draped across the back of your couch... Just sayin'...

[Gas Man]

The man has a point!

[Captain Morgan]

Step one: Grab shotgun.

Step two: Pull the dogs off the Bobcat. Believe it or not, this procedure is not covered in the goose raising handbook, (clearly an oversight on the part of the author).

Step three: shoot the Bobcat. Why you ask? Because, the Bobcat isn't exactly friendly and can do some major damage. Even though the dog did a number on him, things could possibly have gone much worse for the dog and likely will the next time around.

Step four: Take bobcat to a taxidermist. If you don't want it, sell it to the taxidermist for a few bucks and call it a day.

Step five: Go home and go back to bed.

Fixed

[askmrjesus]

Fixed

Right, like I'm going to drive around, looking to sell a dead Bobcat.

I may live in the hills, but my name ain't Billy.

JC

[wildchild]

cool story, awesome looking dog. my boxer wanted to go after a fox that was munching on our chickens. amazing how many animals like to dine on helpless chickens. LOL

too bad about Bob but he would have kept coming back until he had all of them for dinner. post picks of the bob rug when it's done. honestly I'm not sure you can get one stuffed unless it was legally hunted. not in Wis anyway.

[Gas Man]

You should seriously get it done as a rug/throw

['73 H1 Triple]

You should seriously get it done as a rug/throw

Get more geese and wait for Bob's mate "Betty" to come around to eat.

Viola! matched pair of slippers :lol:

[HurricaneHeather]

Right, like I'm going to drive around, looking to sell a dead Bobcat.

I may live in the hills, but my name ain't Billy.

JC

:lol

[askmrjesus]

Get more geese and wait for Bob's mate "Betty" to come around to eat.

Viola! matched pair of slippers :lol:

That's a great idea, except for the serious possibility of having my feet mauled by an 80 pound Great Pyrenees, while I'm having my Pop-Tarts.

I saw out that worked out...

Nope. No skinning, or stuffing, or furry bath rugs with fangs. Bob put up a good fight, and deserved a decent burial, which he got.

I know it sounds crazy, but I've been bummed about this, all fucking day.

Poor little goose-eating bastard. I can't blame him. If I was a Bobcat, I would've eaten them too, ( it's not like I didn't think of eating one myself :lol:).

JC

[Porkchop]

That dog still looks pissed. :lol

She just hasn't had her coffee yet either. Thats the "I just killed a bobcat, give me a goddamn bone" look. :lol:

[zerioustt]

what a wild morning, i must say that dog of yours looks like a badass.

[101lifts2]

I would stand a better chance against that bobcat vs. you vicious looking dog.

We occasionally get mountain lions going through the trash dumpsters. So when you take out the trash and you see one in it, you think I'll just empty the trash later. lol

[Adeptus_Minor]

Poor little goose-eating bastard. I can't blame him. If I was a Bobcat, I would've eaten them too, ( it's not like I didn't think of eating one myself :lol:).

JC

The great thing is, now you still can. :D

[the chi]

:rofl: Helluva story, thanks for the laugh. I feel bad for Bob too, he was only doing what comes natural. Your dog looks seriously pissed, usually the GP's have such happy faces. Maybe she's mad she doesnt get some of the goose. :lol:

[Tmall]

I responded to something similar at a friend's house last night. The difference was, it wasn't a Bob. It was more of a Prick. And left about thirty of them in his Husky's snout. After our valiant efforts at removing them, we took him to the emergency pet hospital and buddy forked over 300 bucks for them to knock him out and do it.

Damn wild animals. :lol

[Homeslice]

How did you get the bobcat? Or was it just a local regular? I didn't know there were any in Florida, isn't that where you live?

[shmike]

How did you get the bobcat? Or was it just a local regular? I didn't know there were any in Florida, isn't that where you live?

I think JC is in NC.

Makes sense, him being in the bible belt.

[Homeslice]

I think JC is in NC.

Makes sense, him being in the bible belt.

Good ol NC.

I remember driving thru some of the eastern mountain towns, and I passed a Baptist church with a special message on its sign.........

"Eternity is not an option......Hell is."

Very motivating. :rolleyes:

[MILK]

Are you going to eat the geese?

Wait.. JC you're in NC?

I plan on chickens, and bees. Not sure after that though..

[skiergirl]

Wow, beautiful cat...that dog however, reminds me a little too much of Cujo...

[askmrjesus]

How did you get the bobcat?

How do people normally get Bobcats?

I put a big fucking sign in the yard, that said "Bobcat Wanted".

Or was it just a local regular? I didn't know there were any in Florida, isn't that where you live?

Dude, the geese were attacked by a BOBCAT, not a homeless Cuban transvestite.

JC

[askmrjesus]

Are you going to eat the geese?

Wait.. JC you're in NC?

I plan on chickens, and bees. Not sure after that though..

No, the geese are for weed-eating.

We thought about getting bees, but it turns out it's a lot more work than it looks like.

Wow, beautiful cat...that dog however, reminds me a little too much of Cujo...

What? This dog? She's a sweetheart, (unless you're a Bobcat...).

JC

[Particle Man]

Dog - 1
Nature - Zilch

Sucks that said bobcat couldn't be treated and released to dine on someone ELSE's pet water foul but nature did what nature does...



We have those things around here too. There was one that lived in the bushes on the side of the snowmobile trail last winter. Scared the ever luvin' fuck out of it three nights in a row going by on the sled (figured it'd have learned the first time or maybe the second). The third time, the thing had obviously had enough and started going after me after jumping out of it's bushes until it thought better of chasing a moving chunk of metal moving at about 50 mph or so. :lol:

[wildchild]

i know exactly what you mean about offing Bob, it sucks when something has to die just doing what it does naturally to survive.

BTW pic 2 of dog, if it wasn't in the same thread I'd never guess that was the same pooch.

[Particle Man]

i know exactly what you mean about offing Bob, it sucks when something has to die just doing what it does naturally to survive.

BTW pic 2 of dog, if it wasn't in the same thread I'd never guess that was the same pooch.

Everyone looks different in a mug shot :lol:

[skiergirl]

ok, now that's a much cuter picture of the pup...:)

[askmrjesus]

Everyone looks different in a mug shot :lol:

She was framed.

JC

[Particle Man]

Pussy whipped?

[askmrjesus]

BTW pic 2 of dog, if it wasn't in the same thread I'd never guess that was the same pooch.

I cheated.

She was just a puppy then.

JC

[Rangerscott]

I think the geese start flying in next month for the winta. We have ponds/parks all over the city and they just mingle around them. I dont even want to know how much geese/duck shit is at the bottom of them.

[Gas Man]

Bob was cute... but F'in with my dog... I would pop it in a heart beat. I would be too worried about Bob causing my dog a vet hosipital run.

[Adeptus_Minor]

Bob was cute... but F'in with my dog... I would pop it in a heart beat. I would be too worried about Bob causing my dog a vet hosipital run.

This.

My country upbringing makes me a lot less sentimental about the right to life of predators who encroach on my property. On the other hand, I'm very protective of my doggeh. :D

[Tmall]

This.

My country upbringing makes me a lot less sentimental about the right to life of predators who encroach on my property. On the other hand, I'm very protective of my doggeh. :D

I have a rule, if it's not bothering us or being a pain in the ass, I leave it alone. If it can hurt the dogs or goes in the garbage, then all bets are off.

[askmrjesus]

I have a rule, if it's not bothering us or being a pain in the ass, I leave it alone. If it can hurt the dogs or goes in the garbage, then all bets are off.

Same here.

Had we known it was a Bobcat we were dealing with, we never would have let the dogs out to begin with. A goose here or there, in the big picture, is just not worth the risk.

If Bob posed a threat to the wife or dogs when I arrived (shot gun in hand), he would have been powdered toast, cute kitty or not.

JC

[Papa_Complex]

OK, so now I finally know why you keep a dog, that's the size of a small horse, to lead your pack. Geese make for a good Christmas dinner. But why the goats?

[LeeNetworX]

I didn't know there were any in Florida, isn't that where you live?

I think JC is in NC.

Jesus is everywhere; fucking heathens.


* I actually thought he was in PA? :lol

In any case, yes, there are Bobcats to be found in central and North Florida.

[askmrjesus]

OK, so now I finally know why you keep a dog, that's the size of a small horse, to lead your pack. Geese make for a good Christmas dinner. But why the goats?

We (she) got the goats as weed-eaters.

Turns out, they also eat hops, flowers, furniture, house trim, and wood working projects in the back of my truck that were scheduled for installation that day...

You can't keep the fuckers in a pen. I don't care if it's surrounded by a thirty foot fence, with laser beam machine guns, they WILL find a way out.

We (I) sent them off to a goat retirement home.

Fucking goats. They're assholes.

JC

[Papa_Complex]

They also eat license plates.

[HurricaneHeather]

They also climb on top of your friend's car and dance around causing thousands of dollars in damage. Luckily for the goat owner in this situation, his insurance covers such an occurrence. :lol:

[askmrjesus]

They also climb on top of your friend's car and dance around causing thousands of dollars in damage. Luckily for the goat owner in this situation, his insurance covers such an occurrence. :lol:

See?

Told you they were assholes.

JC

[tommymac]

They also climb on top of your friend's car and dance around causing thousands of dollars in damage. Luckily for the goat owner in this situation, his insurance covers such an occurrence. :lol:

do they cover getting eaten by badgers :lol:

[askmrjesus]

They also eat license plates.

Sorry about that.

I told you not to park there.

JC

[Papa_Complex]

Sorry about that.

I told you not to park there.

JC

No worries. Otherwise it was park on the goats.

[Particle Man]

No worries. Otherwise it was park on the goats.

Sounds like that would have saved some agrivation... :lol:

[Papa_Complex]

Sounds like that would have saved some agrivation... :lol:

I thought about it, but the doghorse was giving me dirty looks. Seeing how Bob made out, I think I made the right decision.

[askmrjesus]

I thought about it, but the doghorse was giving me dirty looks. Seeing how Bob made out, I think I made the right decision.

She has a thing aboot Canadians.

I told her you weren't French, but she wasn't buying it. Then again, her head is mostly bone and fangs, so talking to her is sorta pointless.

JC

[Papa_Complex]

I should have brought some back bacon with me. Or Snausages.