Ladies, do something nice for us when you feel intimate

[fnfalman]

When you feel close, cozy, comfortable and just in general wanting to be intimate with me, PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE with sugar on top, DO NOT FART.

Cuddle with me, hold my hands, kiss me, tongue my asshole, lick my balls, SOMETHING...ANYTHING but FART.

That's just not nice. It's hard for me to appreciate your tenderness when I'm gasping for air and curse myself to heaven for taking you out for that fine gourmet dinner.

[Ninjakel]

did some chick actually do that????

[fnfalman]

did some chick actually do that????

Some? Try all of them!

Here we are, sitting on the sofa, or out in the patio, feeling all nice and nifty and suddenly wafted up this stanky ass, dead rat smell and it definitely didn't come from me.:rant:

[neebelung]

:dvrofl:

[Ninjakel]

You need to date better quality women dude. wow. how low class can you get??/

[AquaPython]

i could tell you all about dead rat smell....

[Cruzergirl]

Some? Try all of them!

Here we are, sitting on the sofa, or out in the patio, feeling all nice and nifty and suddenly wafted up this stanky ass, dead rat smell and it definitely didn't come from me.:rant:

Yeah, boys NEVER do that. And they never laugh when they pull the sheets over your head either. Now THAT would be sexay!! :lol:

[AquaPython]

dont be bitter because you got the dutch oven!

[Ninjakel]

after almost 6 years, leon still has never done that to me, and I don't blow ass in front of him either.

[AquaPython]

I don't blow ass in front of him either.

http://smiliesftw.com/x/inoutroflpuke.gif (http://smiliesftw.com/search.php?f=tag&q=xmas)

[Ninjakel]

:lol:

[shmike]

I hooked up with this chick on a handful of occasions.

Once, after doing the deed, she excused herself and went into my bathroom. As I lay there relatively satisfied, I hear something.

Some people "break" wind. This girl destroyed / annihilated / decimated wind. To this day I am not sure if it was a fart or the worlds largest queef.

I regained my composure by the time she came back to the room. Suddenly I was tired and she needed to leave.

We haven't spoken since. :whistle:

[Flexin]

dont be bitter because you got the dutch oven!

You gotta love the dutch oven. :rockwoot: Unless your the one in it. :panic:

My wife and I have been together since high school off and on so....

James

[AquaPython]

the off's always seem to follow a real nasty baking session ?

[fnfalman]

Yeah, boys NEVER do that. And they never laugh when they pull the sheets over your head either. Now THAT would be sexay!! :lol:
I don't do that sort of thing, but you're right. Other guys do it but at least they have good excuses - they're guys and hence are pigs by nature.

Women are suppose to be soft, tender, cuddly, smelling good.

Like I said, if you feel comfortable around me, do something nice to me. Releasing biological agent isn't exactly what I have in mind.

[CrazyKell]

Farting makes me laugh. A LOT!

I don't do it in front of boys though (exception made for my brother!). That's a bit of a mood killer.

[Method]

:lol:

I pull this occasionally just to mess with Bindhu..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cf1AIrZRt3A

[Lino]

I blame the dog!!! but so does my wife!!!

[speedylocksmith]

this is the reason a supermaket sells air freshener :whistle:

[Flexin]

Are these woman with the "fancy pussies" you talked about picking up with your favorite music?

James

[VatorMan]

Damn dude. You must make them comfortable like an old pair of pants for them to rip ass on you.

[ducati_atx]

dutch oven?

[speedylocksmith]

dutch oven?you don't know what that is? :lmao: urbandictionary.com is your friend :whistle:

[Flexin]

dutch oven?

After a night out with your lady at Taco Bell, you head to bed. As you look lovingly into her eyes, you rid your body of the gases that are building up in you from you wonderful Taco Bell meal. While you do this you take the covers and pull them over her head.

James

[shmike]

Are these woman with the "fancy pussies" you talked about picking up with your favorite music?

James

Always check first.

Hogan knows best. :idk:

http://whodidtheyblow.com/images/brooke_hulk_hogan.jpg

[Sixxxxer]

That makes my dick soft.

[Hondahugger]

I have never, and may I repeat NEVER blown ass flowers at someone (willingly). That's just wrong!

[xx CURVE xx]

if she's hot enough i'll suck the fart straight out of her ass and inhale that bitch

[ducati_atx]

you don't know what that is? :lmao: urbandictionary.com is your friend :whistle:

I didnt read the whole thread.... I was suggesting that he give her a dutch oven.

Frankly, nothing quite as toast warm like getting the bed ready with a little oven action.

[HRCNICK11]

Wait till your married for a few years and she decides to go on a high fiber diet. The thinks you want to hear all about her bathroom vists. Its just wrong, wrong I tell you.

[Captain Morgan]

When you feel close, cozy, comfortable and just in general wanting to be intimate with me, PLEASE, PLEASE, PRETTY PLEASE with sugar on top, DO NOT FART.

Cuddle with me, hold my hands, kiss me, tongue my asshole, lick my balls, SOMETHING...ANYTHING but FART.

That's just not nice. It's hard for me to appreciate your tenderness when I'm gasping for air and curse myself to heaven for taking you out for that fine gourmet dinner.

I hooked up with this chick on a handful of occasions.

Once, after doing the deed, she excused herself and went into my bathroom. As I lay there relatively satisfied, I hear something.

Some people "break" wind. This girl destroyed / annihilated / decimated wind. To this day I am not sure if it was a fart or the worlds largest queef.

I regained my composure by the time she came back to the room. Suddenly I was tired and she needed to leave.

We haven't spoken since. :whistle:

I have one better. I was banging this chick pretty had, had her legs up while I was pounding away and she let one rip out. It wasn't a queef. I instantly put her legs down and went soft. We split up the next day. Granted, I was already planning on breaking up with her, but she wanted to fuck, so I figured, why not? I wish I hadn't.

[AquaPython]

that made me laugh cap'n

[fnfalman]

Are these woman with the "fancy pussies" you talked about picking up with your favorite music?

James
One of them was definitely a "fancy pussy". The other ones range from skanky to average.

The fucked up thing is that they wouldn't even rip ass. At least then I would know. They do it silent & deadly style and caught me with my mouth open.

[Lamnidae]

They do it silent & deadly style and caught me with my mouth open.

omfg i damn near spit spaghetti all over my keyboard when i read that.

[ducati_atx]

its just "calling" at you to stick your manstick in her brownhole..... plug it up so no more gas can come back out.

[Particle Man]

can't type... laughing too hard...

[ericr]

They do it silent & deadly style and caught me with my mouth open.

:dvrofl: O :dvrofl: M :dvrofl: G !!!!

I hurt now :lmao:

[Archren]

One of them was definitely a "fancy pussy". The other ones range from skanky to average.

The fucked up thing is that they wouldn't even rip ass. At least then I would know. They do it silent & deadly style and caught me with my mouth open.

:rofl: :rofl:

[OneSickPsycho]

I like a chick who's not afraid to drop some ass...

[t-homo]

if she's hot enough i'll suck the fart straight out of her ass and inhale that bitch

Probably the most disgusting thing I have ever heard in my life.

[Adeptus_Minor]

its just "calling" at you to stick your manstick in her brownhole..... plug it up so no more gas can come back out.


Careful, you might cause dangerous back pressure which would engage the safety valve
Ever heard a belly button fart?

[OneSickPsycho]

*NWS*

http://www.redtube.com/10147

[Avatard]

Why? Why does this shit always have to be Brazilian? Ugh.

[Archren]

Why? Why does this shit always have to be Brazilian? Ugh.

Because we're a bunch of crazy mofos? :lol:

I didn't click on the link since I'm at work.. I'll have to subject myself to it after I get home.

[Rider]

Chicks breaking wind is a complete mood killer.

[Method]

*NWS*

http://www.redtube.com/10147
:lol: hahaha that's fucking gross.

[azoomm]

after almost 6 years, leon still has never done that to me, and I don't blow ass in front of him either.

I'm completely with you. Maybe it's just something as simple as *class*.

[Rider]

I'm completely with you. Maybe it's just something as simple as *class*.

Bingo. You hit the nail on the head there.

[smileyman]

My wife's farts smell like chocolate cake:idk:

[Ducati Diva]

My wife's farts smell like chocolate cake:idk:

Why oh why did you have to put that image back in my brain :panic: :lol:

[Smittie61984]

I love it when a chick farts. Because once I hear one that means it's wide open for me from then on.

One girl that I was sort of best friends but FWB but not quite a full FWB but not BF/GF. We got to the point that we'd take a crap in front of each other without thinking about it. She'd be doing her make up and I'd walk in and drop a bomb. I was required to spray glade though.

[smileyman]

I love it when a chick farts. Because once I hear one that means it's wide open for me from then on.

One girl that I was sort of best friends but FWB but not quite a full FWB but not BF/GF. We got to the point that we'd take a crap in front of each other without thinking about it. She'd be doing her make up and I'd walk in and drop a bomb. I was required to spray glade though.


Ugh, women are mythical creatures that neither fart nor poop!!! I am not listening to Smittie, I am not listening to Smittie, Lalalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalalalalalal:panic:

[DLIT]

No worries, dude. She only let you buy her dinner because of your car.

[TommyHotWheel]

Just a little poot...to let ya know, she cares!

[cuttle]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRkgq4QTR9Q

[Ducati Diva]

:dvrofl:

[SoFlaSV]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaXxB0vhLrk

[rogue]

This thread! :rofl: :lmao: :rofl: :lmao:

[SoFlaSV]

There are things you can share with your friends, that you can share with your spouse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAEYalPjFw0&feature=related

[Dave]

ahh porn, something for everybody lol

[Smittie61984]

Ugh, women are mythical creatures that neither fart nor poop!!! I am not listening to Smittie, I am not listening to Smittie, Lalalalalalalalalalalaalalalalalalalalalal:panic:

We had a shop owners son that was 16 with a 17 year old girlfriend who claimed she pooped once a month. I told him "She was full of Shit. Literally"

[Dave]

shoulda gave her a squeeze

[Dnyce]

I'm completely with you. Maybe it's just something as simple as *class*.

cant spell "class" without "ass"

dont grip it, rip it! hahaha

[Amorok]

Ulu wouldn't fart in front of me for the longest time, but she's Polish so I knew it was coming. She'll fart in front of my but it wasn't bad until she got pregnant. Jesus Christ, I have never been near anything so bad. You cannot imagine the awful, ungodly, slaughterhouse, sewage, vile, corrupted miasma of disgusteration that can come from the dark recesses of a pregnant woman's ass. It is the first sign of the apocalypse. My wife is hot, and was hot while pregnant, but my gas mask inspections went from a six month to a seven day event during the last two trimesters.

[Archren]

Ulu wouldn't fart in front of me for the longest time, but she's Polish so I knew it was coming. She'll fart in front of my but it wasn't bad until she got pregnant. Jesus Christ, I have never been near anything so bad. You cannot imagine the awful, ungodly, slaughterhouse, sewage, vile, corrupted miasma of disgusteration that can come from the dark recesses of a pregnant woman's ass. It is the first sign of the apocalypse. My wife is hot, and was hot while pregnant, but my gas mask inspections went from a six month to a seven day event during the last two trimesters.

Yeah, having a bun in the oven makes for interesting things happening in your gut! One more reason I don't want to be preggo ever again. :panic: