How long will this last?

[HurricaneHeather]

Okay, I have always been a very uptight individual. I will admit it, because I'm okay with it. I'm picky and demanding and if I want something a certain way I will let you know....and I almost always want everything done a certain way.

My family and friends are used to this. When I was in the hospital my dad made this comment: Usually when people are in the hospital and they want you to leave the room, they ask you to leave. Heather casts you out! :lol:

Again, I've always been this way, that is why my dad can laugh at me about it.

Well, since I got out of the hospital....I just don't care anymore! :lol: I am not picky, I don't care when the cats are tearing at the carpet, I haven't made a single list in two weeks(this is most scary) and I have no desire to tell anyone what to do. WTF is the matter with me?! :lol:

For instance, we are out of paper towels(something had I been home and healthy I would never let happen) and I couldn't care less. My mom asked me every night while I was at her house what I wanted for dinner and I'd say, 'whatever you want, I'll eat it.' I got my hair cut at a crappy little place in the small town my folks live in. The girl really did a crappy job, but I don't care. And I have no desire to correct people....the nurse asked me, 'are daisies your favorite flower?' God, no they aren't, but I just said 'yes.' :idk:

What is going on with me?!?!?! Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying this carefree-ness, but it's just strange. I never 'don't care' I ALWAYS care!

I am just curious how long this will last. Maybe until I am more independent again? When I have the ability to go to the store and buy paper towels before we run out?

And is this what it feels like to be normal? :rofl:

[derf]

yes very normal, it's called apathy. But everyone has their quirks. I'm the same way about paper towels, i use them for everything, and I need them I buy them by the crate.

Are you on any meds because they would make you all loopy. Once the meds are done you will be normal.

If no meds, maybe you are just bummed out or whatever, either it will work its way out of your system or it will stay either way i would make the cats stop tearing shit up, but the other stuff, in the grand scheme of things who cares.

oh yeh and you shoot shoot the bitch who cut your hair if she messed up.

[Fleck750]

It's been 18 months since my wreck, and I'm the same way. Things I used to get all wound up about just don't seem as important any more. I appreciate the ability to form sentences, hold a job, and hold the ones I love more than if the carpet is clean and the dishes are done.

[Dave]

man i love me some apathy

[tommymac]

Could be a little PTSD too :idk:

Tom

[Papa_Complex]

Drugs. Gotta be the drugs.

[OTB]

JMHO...I will qualify everything I say here with the following...I am not a professional, I have little formal education in psych,: I am just an olde guye who's been around the block.....


That being said: How long do you want this "stage" to last? I have found that we do things for a reason. As long as you aren't under the influence of pain meds, there is a pretty good chance that you are normal.

Life changing events are just that: life changing. There's nothing like confronting your own mortality to put a new perspective on things, and there's nothing like being plowed under by 4000 lbs of steel to be classified as "life changing".

I don't know you, but in my experience, surviving things like this can make us better people....mebbe give us more empathy for others, as well as shake up long-held beliefs.....in both ourselves and in what is REALLY important:
Family, relationships, basic principles (truth, justice and the American way:wink:) , that make the minor stuff seem more like just what it is...minor.

Some of this feeling will fade over time, but there is a pretty good chance that you will discover more of what is really important to you........



.....but then, what do I know?

[KSGregman]

This is NOT intended as a dig at you....but....life is WWWAAAAYYYY too short to get wound up over paper towels....or any of the rest of that stuff. It sounds like maybe you are undergoing a priority shift...a perspective change which, given the seriousness of what you've been through, is both understandable and a shift for the better....IMHO, of course.

I hope that your recovery continues to go well. :dthumb:

[Katherine]

When I was in the hospital my dad made this comment: Usually when people are in the hospital and they want you to leave the room, they ask you to leave. Heather casts you out! :lol:

You were in the hospital? Recently? Have I been away from the forum THAT long? Are you ok????

[Katherine]

Just found your thread in the Femmes forum. Reading now.

[Archren]

Really, I think a biiiiiiig factor is the pain meds. Opiates work on your emotions the same way they do pain - the feeling is still vaguely there, you just don't care. :lol:

[Ninjakel]

I agree with Carolina. 100%

[azoomm]

Do I need to beat the *give a shit* back into you?? :lol:

[ericr]

I think since you had a close call that you realized that a lot of those little things are inconsiquential to "living". Obviously you don't want to carry it too far but I think you'll spend more time enjoying life and less worrying about little shit that don't really matter now ;)

Could be a good thing ya know :D

[Adeptus_Minor]

You had me at paper towels...

But seriously... I agree that the drugs may be affecting it, but also that the accident itself might have altered your perception.
You represent yourself as one who always tries to maintain control of her environment, yet the accident and hospital stay took that control away from you.
Some control freaks break down when that happens, you seem to be rolling with it.
I'd say that's a good thing.

[the chi]

You had me at paper towels...

But seriously... I agree that the drugs may be affecting it, but also that the accident itself might have altered your perception.
You represent yourself as one who always tries to maintain control of her environment, yet the accident and hospital stay took that control away from you.
Some control freaks break down when that happens, you seem to be rolling with it.
I'd say that's a good thing.

Im with this guy. I think the biggst thing is while not even realizing it, you lived through an ordeal that could have cost your life and perhaps are unconsciously realizing that the "small stuff" isnt that big a deal. Is not having paper towels worth a heart attack?

We all go though phases like this in our lives, on different scales, sometimes we revert for awhile, then remember not to "sweat the small stuff" again, and repeat the patterns throughout life. Try to enjoy your new sense of freedom, its liberating right? :dthumb:

[Porkchop]

Triggers Heather, triggers. Right now you might not care about thing little things cause your more worried about yourself. But damnit, when the time comes that your better and stop worring about yourself...... I dont want to be around when that first cat is scratching the carpet, or you spill some kool-aid and you are out of paper towels..... :panic:

Like everybody else has said, drugs are helping that too.

[HurricaneHeather]

The only time I take pain meds is right before bed. The rest of the day I am narcotic free :D

Seriously, I am loving this right now. In truth, I have never had to deal with anything traumatic before and that could be why I've always been so uptight....because I never have had to really deal with anything :lol:

I told my husband that I really am trying to make this into something that changes my life for the better. I don't have the energy to spend on depression and stress because I am just happy to be here, to be home, to be walking(kinda) and to have family and friends to take really good care of me.

But I think collectively everyone is a little right. I am glad I don't care....if I did my ddays of sitting around the house not being able to get up to stop the cat from tearing up the carpet and not being able to go buy paper towels would probably hve driven me insame already :lol:

I think I am going to just use this as my chance to quit being so uptight...I think I can dig it :D

My anthem right now is 'Can't Stop Me Now' by Queen. :D

[Particle Man]

sounds like you just have larger stuff on your mind... like being ALIVE.

[MissHell]

sounds like you just have larger stuff on your mind... like being ALIVE.

Amen to that! :D

[PhiSig1071]

I wont say I was a control freak before my biggest accident, but I know my mentality changed a LOT after coming off the bike at over a mile a minute and cartwheeling into a ditch.

[cbrchick]

JMHO...I will qualify everything I say here with the following...I am not a professional, I have little formal education in psych,: I am just an olde guye who's been around the block.....


That being said: How long do you want this "stage" to last? I have found that we do things for a reason. As long as you aren't under the influence of pain meds, there is a pretty good chance that you are normal.

Life changing events are just that: life changing. There's nothing like confronting your own mortality to put a new perspective on things, and there's nothing like being plowed under by 4000 lbs of steel to be classified as "life changing".

I don't know you, but in my experience, surviving things like this can make us better people....mebbe give us more empathy for others, as well as shake up long-held beliefs.....in both ourselves and in what is REALLY important:
Family, relationships, basic principles (truth, justice and the American way:wink:) , that make the minor stuff seem more like just what it is...minor.

Some of this feeling will fade over time, but there is a pretty good chance that you will discover more of what is really important to you........



.....but then, what do I know?

Bingo.... I second this!!! Perhaps it's not apathy you are feeling towards things you thought were important, but those things just really aren't all that important in comparison to what could have been.

We waste so much time on stuff. Stress out about little, insignificant things. In the end, what good does it offer us.

Enjoy the experience. Love the people around you and appreciate what you do have.

If we all did that, I think we'd be happier people.

Anyway :) Glad you are healing.

"Life isn't about the number of breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away" - (quote from a CF's patient's obit, always makes me think)