View Full Version : how do i beat impetuousness
Dova80
03-28-2009, 12:01 AM
ok I tend to be far to impetuous so how do I get past it? how do I train myself to think if I am being that way or not?
SteveP
03-28-2009, 12:39 AM
That's a lot of big words there mister college grad. :panic:
Dova80
03-28-2009, 02:22 AM
I certainly do apologize
impetious
1 : marked by impulsive vehemence or passion <an impetuous temperament> 2 : marked by force and violence of movement or action <an impetuous wind>
Fleck750
03-28-2009, 02:52 AM
Eventually you'll get old enough that when you do things like that,
1. People get hurt, physically or verbally
2. You get hurt
Usually cures you of it when your body has had enough or no one will want to associate with you.
rogue
03-28-2009, 03:14 AM
ok I tend to be far to impetuous so how do I get past it? how do I train myself to think if I am being that way or not?
I think it's part of your charm! :lol:
:D :D
Amber Lamps
03-28-2009, 03:29 AM
ok I tend to be far to impetuous so how do I get past it? how do I train myself to think if I am being that way or not?
Exhibit A: MV Augusta in garage! J/K
Seriously,I'm an impulse buyer (no,really?) and believe it or not,I've cut WAY down on that by forcing myself to wait at least one day before I buy anything over $50. No matter what. I don't know your specific problem but the basic key to fixing this find a way to force yourself to slow down your decision making process. Either by counting,or waiting a predetermined amount of time before making a decision.
Dova80
03-28-2009, 08:04 AM
Exhibit A: MV Augusta in garage! J/K
Seriously,I'm an impulse buyer (no,really?) and believe it or not,I've cut WAY down on that by forcing myself to wait at least one day before I buy anything over $50. No matter what. I don't know your specific problem but the basic key to fixing this find a way to force yourself to slow down your decision making process. Either by counting,or waiting a predetermined amount of time before making a decision.
In a way yes exhibit A is correct.... lol I did it all in a matter of one day when I bought it.
Particle Man
03-29-2009, 08:35 AM
you need to get the ever loving shit kicked out of you.
redflip
Dova80
03-29-2009, 09:16 AM
you need to get the ever loving shit kicked out of you.
redflip
I am just going to say I highly doubt this would hlep. lol
EpyonXero
03-29-2009, 09:48 AM
Im not sure self-control can be learned this late in life.
Im not sure self-control can be learned this late in life.
Sure it can. It can be learned at any point in life. The example Tigger pointed out is perfect. If you're an impulse buyer, force yourself to not buy anything without a certain amount of time passing. And more importantly, during that time, weigh things out. Can I afford this? Do I need this? What are the advantages/disadvantages to owning this? What are the reasons I should or should not own this?
Similar scenarios can be applied to almost every situation in life. It is a matter of discipline and self-control. Neither of which may be easy, both of which, however, can be accomplished.
In the last two years I've learned something which has been beneficial to me which is to make a list of values (honesty, integrity, treating people how I wish to be treated, communication, living a life of which I can be proud, being healthy, doing things that serve only good/healthy purposes in my life, financial stability, etc) and then I (at least attempt to) filter my choices through those values. Not that I didn't have those values before, but I didn't always or often take the time to ensure that my choices reflected those values.
askmrjesus
03-29-2009, 01:34 PM
I am just going to say I highly doubt this would hlep. lol
Yeah, but it's a start. :lol:
Baby steps man, baby steps.
JC
ok I tend to be far to impetuous so how do I get past it? how do I train myself to think if I am being that way or not?
Lose just about everything.
Seriously.
It's the way some people need to find out what is really important. Nothing like being grateful for your next meal and a roof over your head, or mebbe just being grateful for your health to put things in perspective.......
Amber Lamps
03-30-2009, 07:57 AM
Lose just about everything.
Seriously.
It's the way some people need to find out what is really important. Nothing like being grateful for your next meal and a roof over your head, or mebbe just being grateful for your health to put things in perspective.......
Truth! BUT....I have had the opposite problem. When I was young,we were seriously poor. My Dad's gf and her friend would raid Salvation Army drop boxes to get us clothes,no bs. She would save prizes out of cereal all Dec and wrap them up as gifts. Etc. So when I got older and made some money of my own,I bought EVERYTHING in sight! I refused to wear anything 2nd hand! It's a lot like a dog gobbling up all the food that is present because he doesn't know where his next meal is coming from. Or kinda like how we hood rats go out and buy expensive,big name clothes (Coogi,Hilfigure,etc) when we can't hardly afford to keep the lights on.
EpyonXero
03-30-2009, 08:50 AM
Sure it can. It can be learned at any point in life. The example Tigger pointed out is perfect. If you're an impulse buyer, force yourself to not buy anything without a certain amount of time passing. And more importantly, during that time, weigh things out. Can I afford this? Do I need this? What are the advantages/disadvantages to owning this? What are the reasons I should or should not own this?
Similar scenarios can be applied to almost every situation in life. It is a matter of discipline and self-control. Neither of which may be easy, both of which, however, can be accomplished.
In the last two years I've learned something which has been beneficial to me which is to make a list of values (honesty, integrity, treating people how I wish to be treated, communication, living a life of which I can be proud, being healthy, doing things that serve only good/healthy purposes in my life, financial stability, etc) and then I (at least attempt to) filter my choices through those values. Not that I didn't have those values before, but I didn't always or often take the time to ensure that my choices reflected those values.
Maybe, but studies have shown that children with self-control issues tend to stay on that track as they get older.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshmallow_Test
Yeah, but it's a start. :lol:
Baby steps man, baby steps.
JC
Sure you wake Lazarus up, but this guy just wants some self control and you tell him to take baby steps. Lame!
Maybe, but studies have shown that children with self-control issues tend to stay on that track as they get older.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marshmallow_Test
But that doesn't mean they have to. I understand that there are those who are inherently more impulsive so the task may be more difficult for them, but that doesn't make it impossible.
wildchild
03-30-2009, 12:09 PM
I'm the same way. BUT the only decisions I regret making are for the most part the ones I took my time and thought about.
impulsive buying or what not, as long as you're not killing your financial situation with it enjoy it. If you seriously regret making those purchases then either start buying things you can return or start remindnig yourself how poorly you felt last time you did it and take a little time to make the decision to buy.
Rsv1000R
03-30-2009, 02:49 PM
The best teacher in the world is pain, Pain tells you you did something wrong. But while it's very effective (to most people), it can be unpleasant.
If this behavior causes pain afterwords, remember that pain, and use it to temper your impetuousness. If there's no inner pain, it'll be up to self-control, delays like what tigger suggested will work for some, but there's not a lot of limits to what people can rationalize. Look inward, find what caused you to start this thread.
askmrjesus
03-30-2009, 03:14 PM
Sure you wake Lazarus up, but this guy just wants some self control and you tell him to take baby steps. Lame!
Confucious say:
''Man who want to build wall, first must learn to make bricks.''
Then again, he also said, '' You can get an decent eggroll at a Jewish bakery.'' So what the fuck do I know.
JC
the chi
03-30-2009, 04:03 PM
Well, my best method so far is to talk myself out of things. This can go both ways however.
If you are talking about strictly material things, I stop and ask myself, do I NEED this right now? Is there something else more important that I should take care of first? And go on from there.
Dova80
03-30-2009, 05:59 PM
Material things I usually want but do have an understanding of what I can and can not have.... my problem is when I want something I go after it, but with people (mainly women) I have as of late really been doing horribly, making myself seem like "the crazy guy"
I think I am loosing my touch, or rather just out of practice. When selling things, job interviews, whatever not a problem... it just seems lately I am far to impetious with women. Its frustrating and I dont really know how to correct it....
Dova80
03-30-2009, 06:01 PM
The best teacher in the world is pain, Pain tells you you did something wrong. But while it's very effective (to most people), it can be unpleasant.
If this behavior causes pain afterwords, remember that pain, and use it to temper your impetuousness. If there's no inner pain, it'll be up to self-control, delays like what tigger suggested will work for some, but there's not a lot of limits to what people can rationalize. Look inward, find what caused you to start this thread.
Pain does nothing but make me angry and fight with ever tooth and nail I have to do waht I want anyway. Not physically but mentally pain does not stop me...
the chi
03-30-2009, 06:02 PM
Material things I usually want but do have an understanding of what I can and can not have.... my problem is when I want something I go after it, but with people (mainly women) I have as of late really been doing horribly, making myself seem like "the crazy guy"
I think I am loosing my touch, or rather just out of practice. When selling things, job interviews, whatever not a problem... it just seems lately I am far to impetious with women. Its frustrating and I dont really know how to correct it....
Try not to scare them. :lol: Kinda kidding, but only just...
If youre coming on too strong, just remind yourself to play it cool. What type of behavior are you displaying exactly? Like the "i love you, we'll have a house, and 2.5 kids with a white picket fence?" or "nice shoes, wanna ..." ?
Dova80
03-30-2009, 06:16 PM
Try not to scare them. :lol: Kinda kidding, but only just...
If youre coming on too strong, just remind yourself to play it cool. What type of behavior are you displaying exactly? Like the "i love you, we'll have a house, and 2.5 kids with a white picket fence?" or "nice shoes, wanna ..." ?
Neither I tend to think explaining myself and laying it all out there is better than just saying "thats great" which I wind up doing and then I look back and thing "FUCK!"
So from a friend who watched listened read whatever she says I am coming on to strong which I translate to impetuousness because thats what it is... My brain usually works in a larger time scale than most do, say for instance
Jeremy(best friend) is married but there was a time when he and his wife had trouble they split up(now back together and happier than ever) and he and I were doing stupid shit. He started banging this chick named Mary, of which I am still friends with. He asked me one night at the bar here recently to call her and see how she is doing. My brain said no and asked why I said well if 6 months your wife finds out I dont want you being up shit creek, he had a dumbfounded look on his face and said I just wanted to know how she was doing(we were all friends and still are but he doesnt talk to her due to the respect of his marriage) I proceeded to explain to him that there is a chance she might be here in town if that were the case does she come out and see us? If she does that your wife finds out she not only will cut your nuts off but cook them up and feed them to you via blended drink, but you will also loose the relationship you have. If your wife were to ask me about this and why I just did not call then not only would you be up shit creek but your going to drag me into this mess as well.
He laughs at me because he asked when did you think of all this? I said just now... he laughs saying you think to far ahead.
Ok, you start to see how my brain works, so I dont explain myself I lay everything out there in my head in an instant, and then proceed to tell another person about the things going on in my head that come spewing out like verbal diarrhea, to see a confused frightened, and utterly befuddled person looking back at me.
Neither I tend to think explaining myself and laying it all out there is better than just saying "thats great" which I wind up doing and then I look back and thing "FUCK!"
So from a friend who watched listened read whatever she says I am coming on to strong which I translate to impetuousness because thats what it is... My brain usually works in a larger time scale than most do, say for instance
Jeremy(best friend) is married but there was a time when he and his wife had trouble they split up(now back together and happier than ever) and he and I were doing stupid shit. He started banging this chick named Mary, of which I am still friends with. He asked me one night at the bar here recently to call her and see how she is doing. My brain said no and asked why I said well if 6 months your wife finds out I dont want you being up shit creek, he had a dumbfounded look on his face and said I just wanted to know how she was doing(we were all friends and still are but he doesnt talk to her due to the respect of his marriage) I proceeded to explain to him that there is a chance she might be here in town if that were the case does she come out and see us? If she does that your wife finds out she not only will cut your nuts off but cook them up and feed them to you via blended drink, but you will also loose the relationship you have. If your wife were to ask me about this and why I just did not call then not only would you be up shit creek but your going to drag me into this mess as well.
He laughs at me because he asked when did you think of all this? I said just now... he laughs saying you think to far ahead.
Ok, you start to see how my brain works, so I dont explain myself I lay everything out there in my head in an instant, and then proceed to tell another person about the things going on in my head that come spewing out like verbal diarrhea, to see a confused frightened, and utterly befuddled person looking back at me.
A. In the situation with Jeremy, your brain worked perfectly well. His is the one with issues. ;) Seriously.
B. Do you mean you fall too quickly for woman, or you tell them too much too quickly. I for one appreciate a guy who is forthright. No, I don't need to know about his exes, his bowl functions, his inner most fears, etc, right off the bat (or ever in the case of the first 2 :lol:) but I do want to know what makes him tick. Does coming on too strong mean you call 5 minutes after the 1st date and every 15 minutes thereafter and send her flowers and name your kids? need specifics. :)
Dova80
03-30-2009, 06:52 PM
A. In the situation with Jeremy, your brain worked perfectly well. His is the one with issues. ;) Seriously.
B. Do you mean you fall too quickly for woman, or you tell them too much too quickly. I for one appreciate a guy who is forthright. No, I don't need to know about his exes, his bowl functions, his inner most fears, etc, right off the bat (or ever in the case of the first 2 :lol:) but I do want to know what makes him tick. Does coming on too strong mean you call 5 minutes after the 1st date and every 15 minutes thereafter and send her flowers and name your kids? need specifics. :)
A) He honestly was just wanting to see how she was doing we were/are all friends.
B) Fall to quickly for the ones that meet certain standards, perhaps, if they meet certain requirements then yes there is always a possibility of a relationship but I would require more time with the girl to find out about her personality. I have expressed this to one girl and I never heard back from her...lol So all in all the one girl that has actually caused a very high interest I have ruined by being impetuous hence I ask how to stop it.
There are certain things I do not talk about one of them is bowl functions
I dont call 5 mins after the first date unless I have a reason to do so (I.E. You left something in my car I think you might need) I call when I want to arrange for a time and date to meet up or see each other, or just to check and see how she is doing but not all the time. Flowers yes but at random times, only when I feel like it might be worthwhile, not all the time. Names of children should be saved till after you can poop in the same house without being embarrassed.
Rsv1000R
03-31-2009, 08:52 AM
Ok, you start to see how my brain works, so I dont explain myself I lay everything out there in my head in an instant, and then proceed to tell another person about the things going on in my head that come spewing out like verbal diarrhea, to see a confused frightened, and utterly befuddled person looking back at me.
Ok, then don't do this. Watch for when you start doing this, then when you notice it, stop. It's not easy, that's why pain helps, when you keep getting hurt after jumping off a roof, pretty soon you start thinking about the hurt, before you jump, that's your clue to stop, or at least change what you're landing on.
the chi
03-31-2009, 09:47 AM
Ok, then don't do this. Watch for when you start doing this, then when you notice it, stop. It's not easy, that's why pain helps, when you keep getting hurt after jumping off a roof, pretty soon you start thinking about the hurt, before you jump, that's your clue to stop, or at least change what you're landing on.
I both agree and disagree. Being a "verbal spewer" myself, I have learned that people can either take it all or not at all. If they cant take me being me, then well, :idk: they can go their own way. I am very open and honest, if you ask a question I WILL answer it, whether you are going to like it or not, as well as volunteering info I feel is pertinent. But I tell people up front, this is how I am. "Im warning you now, so later you cant say I didnt tell you." It works out well for me. I dont leave people with illusions to be dashed in regards to who I really am and I am definitely happier that way. And there will be someone who can understand and work with you in a relationship aspect.
Rsv1000R
03-31-2009, 10:32 AM
I both agree and disagree. Being a "verbal spewer" myself, I have learned that people can either take it all or not at all. If they cant take me being me, then well, :idk: they can go their own way.
I tend to do the same (spew that is), But I try to take some pity on people I talk with and not bore them to death, at least not until they figure out I have a few redeeming qualities. Now, pretty girls get a lot more leeway, or maybe it's just some of your redeeming qualities are more apparent.
the chi
03-31-2009, 10:33 AM
I tend to do the same (spew that is), But I try to take some pity on people I talk with and not bore them to death, at least not until they figure out I have a few redeeming qualities. Now, pretty girls get a lot more leeway, or maybe it's just some of your redeeming qualities are more apparent.
So while pretty girls are talking you arent so much listening as just watching?
:lol:
Amber Lamps
03-31-2009, 10:49 AM
I both agree and disagree. Being a "verbal spewer" myself, I have learned that people can either take it all or not at all. If they cant take me being me, then well, :idk: they can go their own way. I am very open and honest, if you ask a question I WILL answer it, whether you are going to like it or not, as well as volunteering info I feel is pertinent. But I tell people up front, this is how I am. "Im warning you now, so later you cant say I didnt tell you." It works out well for me. I dont leave people with illusions to be dashed in regards to who I really am and I am definitely happier that way. And there will be someone who can understand and work with you in a relationship aspect.
I have to agree with this. Obviously everyone hides their true self upon first meeting but if you take it too far you'll set set yourself up to be dropped later when the real you finally comes out. One thing I've learned is you have to be loved for the person you are,you have to love the person you are with for who they are and there is DEFINITELY someone for everyone no matter how fucked up you are! ;)
Rsv1000R
03-31-2009, 10:52 AM
So while pretty girls are talking you arent so much listening as just watching?
:lol:
Sometimes it's just really hard to pay attention :lol:
Dova80
03-31-2009, 06:31 PM
lol Well thats problem I am the kind of person that you usually have to warm up to and understand before you will like me. So I tend to freak people out, I just want to learn to control the impetuousness, I really dont even think I am doing anything wrong but going after somethign I want...
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