I met a great woman at the bar...

[TATER]

As most of you know I am 30 years old. I went out to the bar last week and began to strike up a conversation with a woman who was 57. She kept flirting and buying my drinks. Before you know it I was drunk off my ass and found myself saying yes when she invited me back to her place after last call was shouted by the bartender. On the drive to her house she asked me if I have ever had the "Sportsman's Double"??? I let her know that I had no idea what the heck that was. She let me know that it is a ""Mother/Daughter"" threesome... I nearly shit myself when I herad her say this. I was a little nervous when we showed up at her house... she walked in and poured me a rum and coke (my favorite drink) and figured damn this may be one of the best nights of my frickin life.. the woman starts to get undressed in the living room and I can feel that I am starting to get a little "excited" down there... I then ask her about what she said about the sportsman's double and she said ... Oh yeah ..she yelled upstairs "Hey MA, you still up...get down here...and it's ok you can leave your teeth out."

[Amber Lamps]

As most of you know I am 30 years old. I went out to the bar last week and began to strike up a conversation with a woman who was 57. She kept flirting and buying my drinks. Before you know it I was drunk off my ass and found myself saying yes when she invited me back to her place after last call was shouted by the bartender. On the drive to her house she asked me if I have ever had the "Sportsman's Double"??? I let her know that I had no idea what the heck that was. She let me know that it is a ""Mother/Daughter"" threesome... I nearly shit myself when I herad her say this. I was a little nervous when we showed up at her house... she walked in and poured me a rum and coke (my favorite drink) and figured damn this may be one of the best nights of my frickin life.. the woman starts to get undressed in the living room and I can feel that I am starting to get a little "excited" down there... I then ask her about what she said about the sportsman's double and she said ... Oh yeah ..she yelled upstairs "Hey MA, you still up...get down here...and it's ok you can leave your teeth out."

Hardy,har,har!!! Stick to jailbait buddy!!!:dthumb:

[DLIT]

Either way, I would refer to you as Sportsman from now on. Sounds like it's from a movie I saw or a joke I already heard.

[Trip]

:lol: nice one tater.

[VatorMan]

:lol:

[GearGrabinGuy]

Id leave my teeth out for ya...

[LaFemmes]

:lol:

[DLIT]

Id leave my teeth out for ya...

Keep that shit to yourself.

[smileyman]

Go granny go!!

[z06boy]

:lol: Sounds like my luck.

[fnfalman]

I would have hit it.

[TATER]

I would have hit it.


sadly
I don't doubt that...

[NONE_too_SOFT]

Once i was bangin this older chick. She posted some on TWF actually. she was a freak, i think she told me she had a sister, i always wanted to get it on with both of em...


but not her mother . gross.

[Mr Lefty]

Once i was bangin this older chick. She posted some on TWF actually. she was a freak, i think she told me she had a sister, i always wanted to get it on with both of em...


but not her mother . gross.

who was she? I don't remember but a handful of women from TWF

[OneSickPsycho]

who was she? I don't remember but a handful of women from TWF

Word... RRH?

[NONE_too_SOFT]

bingo

[Mr Lefty]

Word... RRH?

ahh yes... I'm surprised it didn't happen... :lol:

[marko138]

Word... RRH?

Gross. NtS....you were doing this broad?

[NONE_too_SOFT]

not only once, but on a couple seperate occasions.

i was in a dry streak, drinking, and could care less. she was like 8 years older than me but still had a decent body/face combo.



have not we all have women we've fucked that we'd take back?

[marko138]

I just never saw a pic where she looked good.

[NONE_too_SOFT]

I dont think i saw but more than one or 2 pics of her anyways. she wasnt hot, ffs she was 30. but she was kinda cute with make up on and beer in my belly... some of the WEIRDEST moments of my life with that chick though. I could write pages...

to be honest the only thing that got me to see her again was the fact i could not believe some of the shit that was going on. it just seemed to easy.

[Mr Lefty]

I just never saw a pic where she looked good.

I saw one... but she's always try'n to act so freaky in them it's hard to tell...

[marko138]

I dont think i saw but more than one or 2 pics of her anyways. she wasnt hot, ffs she was 30. but she was kinda cute with make up on and beer in my belly... some of the WEIRDEST moments of my life with that chick though. I could write pages...

to be honest the only thing that got me to see her again was the fact i could not believe some of the shit that was going on. it just seemed to easy.
Start typing, Casanova.

[NONE_too_SOFT]

yea, she was a serious freak. like into vampirism and shit. Like i told ebbs, one night she tried to bite my neck. i said no. she tried it again i said get off me... never talked to her again.

it was cute at first, but got real weird, real quick... she was a dominatrix... that shit blew my mind.

Start typing, Casanova.

hold on i need another beer.

[marko138]

:lol:

[NONE_too_SOFT]

on second thought. its better to leave the past where it belongs.

[marko138]

on second thought. its better to leave the past where it belongs.

http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m95/markgraves138/smilies/thass.gif

[NONE_too_SOFT]

Okay. one story. but i shudder to think about its patheticness.

[VatorMan]

on second thought. its better to leave the past where it belongs.

Oh HELL no. You started it. Finish it. I thought she looked decent.

[Mr Lefty]

http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m95/markgraves138/smilies/thass.gif

no shit!

I say spill it! put it in the :twf: area... so it's off the public side though...

[marko138]

We don't judge. http://i102.photobucket.com/albums/m95/markgraves138/smilies/rotfl.gif

[NONE_too_SOFT]

so i go up to cleveland one night. i'd been drinking and wanted some tail... thank you alexander grahm bell for inadvertently inventing text messages. So i get to the bar. this "bar" that she supposedly "promotes". yea i told you she is a dominatrix, right? i dont know what the fuck that entails, i never asked, and when she began to explain it to me i told her i didnt want to know. she's not a prostitute cause she never actually fucks anybody, just whips them and shit. okay. whatever. still too much info.

So i get to the bar, and theres this guy. Hes a guy from the forums supposedly who's also trying to hit on her. I've pregamed on the drive up to the bar, and am buzzing a bit, so i could care less. Theres also this other guy shes with. the most pathetic person i've ever met in my life... we'll call him ted.

Ted i met the night i first met RRH. He drove her down to my property where i was having a bonfire to see me...

Yes , HE drove HER to see another guy. ME. a guy thats 10 years younger. Granted this guy is her age, and supposedly hangs out with her all the time. why HE isnt fucking her i dont know. we'll get to that.


So anyways me, ted, RRH, and douchnozzle are at the bar. Douchnozzle is obviously trying to get with RRH and its hilarious because she has no interest in him. He's a douchnozzle. So im drinking my guiness (that tastes like shit, this fucking bar was attatched to some hotel or some shit... but it was an actual bar, i could never figure it out) and getting drunk.

so i tell ted "lets play pool ted".


We play pool.

He sucks. I win. Our conversation is minimal. This guy is the most timid, insecure, pushover in the fucking world. i kid you not. It was a one sided conversation the whole way. totally awkward if i had actually cared a rats ass.

anyways, douchnozzle and RRH are talking, whatever. he eventually leaves without saying goodbye, i laugh. I go over and talk with RRH and kind of start checking her out. were getting mushy gooshy. and its time for ted to leave. well ted was RRH's ride. Fuhk if i'm in any shape to leave, but im drunk so i dont make the right call. he leaves we're there practically by ourselves...

The alcohol levels are good, the lighting is minimal, its go time.

We progress to the parking lot where i decide is the best place to fuck at the moment, because i had spotted a desk chair by the side of the building. great! cept it breaks. fuck. now were half naked in a parking lot and suddenly paranoia sets in.

So i tell her "okay, lets get going"

She decides we'll go fuck in an appartment.
Teds appartment...

Well didnt ted just go home" i say. "yea its okay, we're friends like that "...

Okay whatever i could care less at this point.

I drive like a thousand fucking miles around cleveland to this guys house. We get out, go upstairs, and theres ted. playing world or warcraft or downloading bruce sprinstein songs or something. who knows... I give him the cordial "hey whats up its me again"... Then we go back to this empty room with a bean bag chair in it... yea. no idle chit chat. no "hey can we use a room"

This is this chumps one bedroom apt, and i am about to go fuck the girl he wishes he was fucking in his room. OMG my mind was running in circles.

beer break.

god damn this story is pretty long and played out, and the funny thing is im not even getting into any detail. If anybody has anything to say about grammar or spelling, fuck off. i typed this bitch at like 80wpm, thats secretary of the state condoleza rice style bitches... back to the story


Well we do the deed and try to find our clothes. its just the typical "well that was sex, congradulations" post game type thing. i was mad because i couldnt believe i drove all the way up there for that lame sex and a handful of awkward moments, but the best is still to come. i still have to LEAVE this guys house.

Well i decide to stop playing the fool, and i just walk from his room to the door, giving him a nod on the way out.

By far, the most sureal moments of my life. i didnt know if this guy was waiting for me with a machete or what, or maybe he was really just this lame?

i couldnt figure it out, and never saw him again...

[Mr Lefty]

:rofl: FUCKING AWESOME

[NONE_too_SOFT]

ask me about some of the others stories at indy, ebbs, i'll get you rolling.

[Mr Lefty]

ask me about some of the others stories at indy, ebbs, i'll get you rolling.

:lol: oh most defiantly!

[VatorMan]

:rofl: excellent. I miss those days when I could just run out and throw a fuck.

[NONE_too_SOFT]

eh its gotten old for me. sex is still great, but theres no substance to it.

I've got a wonderful prospect on the horizon though.

[VatorMan]

eh its gotten old for me. sex is still great, but theres no substance to it.

I've got a wonderful prospect on the horizon though.


Make sure you've gotten it out of your system before you commit. :diitb:

[Mr Lefty]

eh its gotten old for me. sex is still great, but theres no substance to it.

I've got a wonderful prospect on the horizon though.

Werd! good luck with that... :dthumb:

[marko138]

Nice job. More stories.

[NONE_too_SOFT]

another night. carpel tunnel is setting in. pluz i have to peez.

[marko138]

Pee and get back to the story telling, pops.

[NONE_too_SOFT]

not tonight big daddy. this cat has to work in the AM.

[marko138]

Guy I'm at work. And I work tomorrow. GET TO TELLING STORIES.

[NONE_too_SOFT]

nah. remind me to tell you about the park bench though.

[OneSickPsycho]

I should have accept the 10,000,000,000 invitations she sent me to come up there and fuck her... if I had known you banged her, I would have... It would have been fun to story swap...

[NONE_too_SOFT]

dude.

http://img502.imageshack.us/img502/1743/eiffeltowerjumplw0.jpg

although it was a bit far for you, only 30 minutes where i was.

[ceo012384]

Dude that's hilarious... I'm pretty sure I know EXACTLY who Ted is.

And yes, more stories. More.

http://i243.photobucket.com/albums/ff187/ceo012384/LoveOfGodMoar.jpg

[OneSickPsycho]

I want to stuff my cock down that chick's throat right there... and why are we protecting people's names in these stories anyway NtS...

[NONE_too_SOFT]

because if i meet somebody and couldn't care two shits about them i dont make a point to remember their names.

[marko138]

A true player.

[Dave]

yea, she was a serious freak. like into vampirism and shit. Like i told ebbs, one night she tried to bite my neck. i said no. she tried it again i said get off me... never talked to her again.

it was cute at first, but got real weird, real quick... she was a dominatrix... that shit blew my mind.



hold on i need another beer.

totally called it from the pics she left on twf :bonk:

[Cutty72]

Dude that's hilarious... I'm pretty sure I know EXACTLY who Ted is.



The guy you are thinking is Ted... by chance does he ride a CBR1000RR??

[NONE_too_SOFT]

i'd say no. he doesnt ride. maybe douche nozzle.

[Cutty72]

i'd say no. he doesnt ride. maybe douche nozzle.

ok, just checkin

[Vettezilla (Impala Balko)]

As most of you know I am 30 years old. I went out to the bar last week and began to strike up a conversation with a woman who was 57.

What bar was this at was it "The Hideaway" aka "the Slide away" or "Dar Bah" I hear those are real cougar hangouts. :whistle:

[ceo012384]

The guy you are thinking is Ted... by chance does he ride a CBR1000RR??
no but it was a cbr...
i'd say no. he doesnt ride. maybe douche nozzle.
I thought you said he was on twf. I was thinking of that dude who's user name was a certain 80's movie...

[OneSickPsycho]

What bar was this at was it "The Hideaway" aka "the Slide away" or "Dar Bah" I hear those are real cougar hangouts. :whistle:

I wanna find some cougar hangouts... MILF's FTW!

[VatorMan]

I wanna find some cougar hangouts... MILF's FTW!

Aren't you in Cougar heaven? Florida-Home of the Cougars. :lol:

[Rider]

Aren't you in Cougar heaven? Florida-Home of the Cougars. :lol:

Thats Panthers...

[Trip]

I wanna find some cougar hangouts... MILF's FTW!

They had a huge cougar hangout where a lot of guys I knew went to get free drinks and one nighters. It got shut down cause they sold to minors, that happens a lot here.

[vabarber2]

:lol: Yeah right tater, you'd never mess with anything over 20, so whe know this storys fiction.

[Dave]

I wanna find some cougar hangouts... MILF's FTW!

i live right down the street from one :diitb:

[Cutty72]

no but it was a cbr...

I thought you said he was on twf. I was thinking of that dude who's user name was a certain 80's movie...

We were thinking the same guy then... I thought it was a 1000RR, what was it then?