I'd fake my own death.
Once my next of kin showed up with a locksmith to claim my possessions, I'd yell "surprise!" and enjoy my opened-for-free door.
I'm also in the "would never cross my mind to call the fire department for something other than putting out fires" group
Call me narrow-minded. I wouldn't call a locksmith to put out a fire, either.
Most likely, if it were just the stupid lock on the knob, I'd shim it with a credit card or (preferably) a pair of screwdrivers.