"as soon as you think you've mastered that thing, it'll bite you"
Words out of my grandfathers mouth every time i see him. Couldn't be closer to the truth, either. I've been riding for about ten days now since ive gotten this new bike, and while i've been thrilled to be in the saddle again, nothing seems the same after an accident in which you blame yourself for.
I've been tense on my bike. A lot of it has to do with getting used to it, and a lot of it has to do with me not riding in a while, but a lot of it has to do with fear. Fear of going down again. Fear of getting hurt next time. Fear of loosing something you're passionate about. Its a tricky thing, dealing with your inhibitions, especially when they are totally justified.
Sometimes i worry my ambition overshadows my skill level, but when i think about it, that is really the reason i've always tried to be a better rider. Rarely have I found myself content with where I am at recently, it could always be faster farther shorter tighter smoother. For some reason i feel like I aught to be catching up to something, like im trying to make up for wrecking, or make up for loosing my license, or make up for lost time. Its a terrible feeling when you cant even get on your bike to escape your troubles.
Now riding home the other night i find myself riding along a reservoir right before the sun fell behind the horizon. All by myself on this road, everything just felt okay again. I understood what i was feeling before, and i came at peace with it, and it was like suddenly i could just enjoy riding again. Now every time i get on my bike i feel better and better, and appreciate it ever more.
I guess what i think about the most is when people ask me if i'd get back on a bike. I tell them the story about going down. Sliding. Hitting my bike. Going through all of the hassle afterwards, and they they ask that question seemingly presuming the answer will be at least an "i dont know".
Every time, without hesitation, the answer has been yes. On my ride a few nights back, and every one since then, i've realized why that answer has always been so easy. While we all may stumble, stutter, and even fall in life, if we never continued to do what we loved, what chance would we ever really have of making it out with a smile on our face.
