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Old 04-01-2010, 09:24 PM   #1
Tmall
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Default Internet tough guys!

I thought I'd seen some pretty bad ones. Cracked has THE definitive list.. Some of them are just wow..

http://www.cracked.com/blog/7-fighte...y-to-legendary
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:18 PM   #2
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I was expecting to see Speed_Addiction, and his magical spinning back kick!

Hilarious read though!
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:37 PM   #3
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Two words:

Snake Blocker

You may have seen him on Spike's Deadliest Warrior. You may have trained with him in a Special Forces hand-to-hand combat class. Or he may have sorted your mail. Google it. I just told you to Google it, why wouldn't you Google it?

Fine, for the cliff notes just read the bio on his "master who taught him everything":

Quote:
Freidun "Iceman" Younossi story: "I was born in Afghanistan in 1963, into the Barakzai Dynasty, which was ruled by my uncle King Zahir Shah. My family ruled the country and we lived in the Royal Palace. At age three, I was kidnapped by three men in broad daylight and taken to a house, where I was held hostage for two weeks. My father's cousin, who was the Chief of Police--along with an army official--assembled a team of soldiers. They went door to door throughout the surrounding area of Kabul until I was finally rescued. The kidnappers were executed immediately and I was brought back to the palace. Within a short period of time, my parents notified me that I was going to learn how to defend myself. I was sent to Shaolin Monastery in Songshan, China. It was there that I learned the principles of Zen Buddhism, meditation, and the art of Kung Fu. I was the only Muslim Afghan in the monastery, where I lived for approximately seven years. It was there that I met Jackie Chan and Jet Li during belt-promotion ceremonies. My education was in the Chinese language, which I had difficulty picking up because I am dyslexic.Every day I was trained to be a warrior. I learned the ten-finger technique to kill a man. Next, I was sent to Thailand to study Mauy Thai and then on to boarding school in Germany. While in boarding school, I robbed a pedestrian passerby. I was picked up in the red-light district a couple of days later and put into an adult penitentiary. During the short period of time I was in prison, the Soviet Union commenced war on Afghanistan. I joined the French Foreign Legion at the age of sixteen. I was trained in special forces at seventeen and dispatched to Djibouti, Africa. I carried out twenty-two missions. One night, my unit was ambushed and twenty-five of my fellow soldiers were assassinated. Only two survived: I and another serviceman named Pierre. The attackers kept us alive to torture us for information, but we escaped by killing the guards.After I recovered from my wounds and my contract was over, I went back to Germany. I joined the sport of underground fighting in Europe, an activity that led me throughout Europe over the course of five years. By the age of twenty-four, I had engaged in over 400 private fights. I then moved to California with my family. In California, there was a huge bodybuilding movement, which included the likes of Arnold Schwarzenegger--a seven-time Mr. Olympia and breaking actor. I had the honor of training under him for a year. I also trained with Peter and David Paul, who were known as the Barbarian Brothers.I got married and moved to Minneapolis. My marriage, however, broke up after a year. So, I picked up and moved again, this time to Union, NJ, where a friend from California was living. I began underground fighting for extra income. I also started offering physical training services, work that I continue to do for various clients--whose goals range from overcoming the debilitating effects of illness or injury to simply getting into better physical shape.I began kickboxing on a professional level in 1982. My current professional record is forty-eight KO's, two draws, and zero losses. I went on to be the twelve-time World Kickboxing Champion and two-time South American Champion. I hold a ninth-degree black belt in Shao-Do-Kahn, as well as an eighth-degree black belt in Sil-Lum-Gung-Fu. I have also mastered Aikido and Jiu-Jitsu. In May 2006, I had a severe motorcycle accident that detached my left foot. My foot was surgically reattached after five surgeries. At my first post-recovery fight, a charity bout that was held at NYC’s Webster Hall on March 29th 2007, I logged my forty-eighth career knockout. Pictures from the event are now on the photos page."
http://www.blockeracademy.com/e107_p....php?content.2 (scroll to the bottom)
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Old 04-01-2010, 10:41 PM   #4
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My dream is crushed about Dux and the Bloodsport movie.


All this time I thought, gee what a cool movie to make about such an awesome story with nothing but karate chops and spinning back kicks to make it perfect. Only to find out it's either a lie, or that it's really just about Van Damme ripping him off for a future film which I don't think made any kind of money that was probably promised, hence "the fire of the evidence".
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:28 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fatbuckRTO View Post
Two words:

Snake Blocker

You may have seen him on Spike's Deadliest Warrior. You may have trained with him in a Special Forces hand-to-hand combat class. Or he may have sorted your mail. Google it. I just told you to Google it, why wouldn't you Google it?

Fine, for the cliff notes just read the bio on his "master who taught him everything":



http://www.blockeracademy.com/e107_p....php?content.2 (scroll to the bottom)
I don't get it........Is that page supposed to be real? Everyone on there looks like a crock of shit.
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:42 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Homeslice View Post
I don't get it........Is that page supposed to be real? Everyone on there looks like a crock of shit.
Some of the photos look like they came from Mexican professional wrestling
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feed your dogs root beer it will make them grow large and then you can ride them and pet the motorcycle while drinking root beer
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Old 04-02-2010, 12:49 AM   #7
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I guess good times are hard to find in Irondale, AL

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eawps...ayer_embedded#
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:59 AM   #8
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Seriously...Frank Dux is a hoax? Fuuuuuuuck
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Old 04-02-2010, 11:40 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Homeslice View Post
I don't get it........Is that page supposed to be real? Everyone on there looks like a crock of shit.
Exactly. But yes, everyone on there is supposed to be for real. Like I said, the guy pulled the wool over Spike TV's eyes, though I'm sure that's not hard.



Here's the short version: "Snake" Blocker (aka about 6 or 7 different competition names, but his real name is David Jason Blocker) is supposedly a "former Professional World Champion Title Belt - Muay Thai/Thai Kickboxing (jr. welter weight)" with the " International Muay Thai Society (IMTS)". He is also supposedly a US Army "combat instructor" and expert in Muay Thai and "Apache knife fighting," and a "certified instructor of Close Quarters Combatives Group," which has "military recognition." He even had a knife custom made by JW Smith and Sons (which you can buy on their website), specifically for his deployment to Afghanistan, where he is presumably slitting Taliban throats and tossing knives straight into Osama Bin Laden's chest.

Here in the real world, though, David Jason Blocker has never served in the US Army. He is a Petty Officer, 2nd Class, in the US Navy. By rate, he is an SK2. That's a shop keeper, the guys who sell you bubble gum from the ship's store. They might also cut hair. In Afghanistan, he works at the Bagram post office. That means, not only is he not a "combat instructor," and he's using his custom made knife to cut packing tape, he's on the safest base in Afghanistan, surrounded by tens of thousands of other service members. Some of whom actually know how to operate their weapons. He never leaves the FOB. He does, however, run a "Close Quarters Combatives Group" class on base. It's a "free" class that is allowed by MWR to happen in one of the base gyms. At one point, it was allowed to take place in one of the smaller camps on base where the Special Forces guys live. One or two Green Berets may have even attended once. Students of "Snake" Blocker's class are advised that they will need to purchase $70 to $100 of "martial arts training gear" per month.

The "combat instructor" was recently handed his ass by a soldier with a few months training in MCP (the Army's new combatives program). His reason? "I'm not a ground fighter."

Like I said, that's the short version. In the long version, well, the douchebaggery never ends. The deeper you dig, the worse it gets.
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This was no time for half measures. He was a captain, godsdammit. An officer.
Things like this didn't present a problem for an officer. Officers had a tried and
tested way of solving problems like this. It was called a sergeant.

-Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

Last edited by fatbuckRTO; 04-02-2010 at 11:48 AM..
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Old 04-02-2010, 04:09 PM   #10
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"I'm not a ground fighter"



So what is he then, an air fighter? lol.....

And how is this tool still serving, without getting reprimanded for his lies?
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